The Struggle is Real: Gym Anxiety Edition

Posted on April 29, 2015

I've been going to the gym fairly regularly for about 6 weeks (hooray me!) and it's become routine enough that I've stopped thinking about it-- on the whole.

Yesterday, I was set back to day-one-level gym anxiety for a while, so I thought we should discourse.

I KNOW I am not alone on this. Gyms can be so incredibly intimidating. I've done fairly well at not projecting what my inner 13 year-old would say onto strangers passing by, buuuuut... I mean it happens. "WHY DOES THAT PERSON KEEP GLANCING AT ME??? Is my machine squeaking? Am I doing it wrong? Do I smell? They're thinking about how gross I look, I KNOW IT!" Etc. Ok, so, maybe you default to "Why is that person so OBVIOUSLY checking me out?? I know I'm hot, but c'mon!" -- so good for you and your self esteem. Live it, go on with yo bad self! I, however, default to the former.

And there are plenty of things to make a person self-conscious at a gym.

You have to wear clothes that allow you to move, which generally means more fitted, spandex in composition, and void of carefully purchased accessories that flatter and disguise problem areas (I love the drapey scarf trend).

You will get all sweaty (if you're doing it right), and maybe omit... odors. I'm still very concerned about the possibility of asparagus sweat being a thing. Plus coffee, garlic, onions, all kinds of things can scent your natural body odor-- plus sweating it out? Gah. But wearing perfume to the gym is equally offensive. You will not win. Fresh sweat isn't that bad, usually, if you bathe regularly. And if you're gymming, you should probably also be bathing regularly.

There are mysterious machines with vague instructions printed on them. Ok, so the first time I ever climbed on an elliptical machine (maybe ten+ years ago?) I was MYSTIFIED. Luckily, it was at an apartment gym and I was alone, so I could work it out. "You have to move your arms and your legs at the same time and not fall off?" The weight area is still terrifying to me. I know how to use a few machines (I think) and I stick to those for now until I get a trainer sorted out. And I know there are youtube videos and tons of books and websites with step-by-step instructions, but I'm a kinetic learner-- I need to do it. I cannot bring myself to pull out my smart phone and stream a 2 minute video while I try to position my body on the machine, because WHAT WILL STRANGERS THINK? See? I know how stupid that sounds, but it is what it is. Also, the other day I was using the seated row machine and a trainer stopped by to give me some pointers on using it-- this was great, and I'm grateful he did, and I have used that new knowledge to my advantage. It was also embarrassing. I felt humiliated-- I didn't need to, he was kind and helpful and nobody, like, pointed at me and called me four-eyes or anything, but I still felt humiliated.

There are some really pretty people at the gym. This is it's own kind of inspiring defeat. There are some really really fit people at the gym. There are also average looking people, doughy looking people, and fat-like-me looking people. All of those people, and all of those eyes, and all of those thoughts that you cannot control while you are doing something outside your comfort zone can be TERRIFYING.

This all comes back to "Don't care what other people think!" -- yeah yeah, but let's be real. We do care. If we did not care we would all be stealing, murdering, public-crapping, nose-picking, what-have-youing all over the place. But we don't, because there are rules and we are civilized, and there's good and bad to that. And even when you don't care-care what you look like, you still care what you look like. It doesn't have to own you and cover every aspect of your self or anything, but you care. And so do I.

This is pretty ramble-y, so thanks for sticking with me.

When I am at the gym and someone gets on a cardio machine RIGHT next to mine when there are other machines open, I think several things.

1.) "OMG, I hope I don't smell. What is that smell? Is that smell me? THAT IS ME. I feel so bad for you, Gym Member."

2.) "Why did they pick that machine? There are SO MANY other machines! Buffer machine! Don't they know gym etiquette?" (then I answer myslef) "Maybe they like that machine best. Maybe they are watching the TV. Maybe they're checking out the lady's butt in front of them. Maybe they hate another Gym Member nearby."

3.) "IT'S BECAUSE I'M FAT, ISN'T IT???"
-"Did they glance at my machine readout? Are they comparing themselves to me to feel good? Are they next to me so they look thinner? Are they judging me? THEY ARE JUDGING ME!"
-"I'm going to do this exercise UNTIL I DIE just to show them I can endure Cardio While Fat!"
-"Are they pacing me? Did they speed up because I sped up? STOP TRYING TO BE ME!"
-"HAHAHA! I did it longer than them! I hope they respect fat-exersize now!!"

* I yell at strangers a lot in my head. I'm very rude that way. It comes from working in retail for many years, probably.

I'm probably mostly wrong and crazy, and silly-- but I am right sometimes. It's generally not a part of my life once I'm done on the machine, but those thoughts are still something to overcome and they're still a part of the gym, for most of us, I think.

Also, the fit people who sneer at un-fit people at the gym.
First, and obviously, they can go F themselves.
Second, they can go F themselves again for good measure.
Third, I am guilty of it too.

That's right! I can complain about it and acknowledge that I do it too. I am guilty of thinking things like "That person is fatter than me. Thank god. I'll NEVER get THAT fat." or "Ugh, that person is TOO fit. S/He looks so gross and veiny. I bet they're super vain and D-Baggy." and also "That person is perfect and I wish I were perfect too." I think all the things.

Also, I stare at the people doing pull-up sometimes. I try not to, because I'm not being a creeper, but I am honestly completely in awe of that ability. I've never done a pull-up in my whole entire life. It's one of my top fitness goals. So I watch and think about how amazed I am that people can do that, and it looks so effortless.

I also look at the women in the free-weights section of the gym next to super buff men, just doing what they came to do. And I cheer them. And I hope to toughen my skin enough to be over there soon.

Long story, long, I'm bringing this up because for a little while now I've been fine at the gym. I haven't had to talk myself into just getting through the front door and that kind of thing. And then, yesterday, out of nowhere, a near-stranger gave the disgusted face while I was working out. not once, BUT THREE TIMES. He gave me the gross-out face while I elliptical-ed, and didn't see me see him. Then he did it again by the weights, whilst I was lat pull-downing. Then HE MADE EYE CONTACT and a full-body scan + gross-face while I was leaving with my daughter.

So that's an abnormal amount of rude, and I did not imagine it.

Here's the part that's kinda neat, though. I went to highschool with that guy. I know his name, first and last. I also know, thanks to the weirdness that is social media social obligation (why do we add people we barely knew in highschool?), where he works, his girlfriend's name, where he likes to eat dinner, every time he goes to the gym, his new car (complete with license plates), and his favorite bars. Not like I'm going to go find him and TP his house or anything, I'm just saying, folks oughta censor some stuff. I'd feel pretty bad about myself after all of that, normally. But, in this case, I had the ability to snoop on his page and read all of the terrible political ideas he supports, as well as a TON of really superficial body shaming kindsa comments he posts. And judge his general spelling and grammar failures. I don't enjoy being the person who grosses out another person, just by BEING. I don't, it's not a good feeling. But I am totally fine with grossing THAT guy out. I kinda hope he sees me and my big butt in yoga pants when he closes his eyes. And that? Right there? Has renewed my gym commitment. Not for the sake of toning up so I'll be attractive, but so, hopefully, I can gross him out all the time.

Comment Now!

Alice W.

05/01/2015 12:55PM

Rule #2 is also a restroom rule. If there are 14 stalls and I'm in one on the end and every other one in the whole freaking place is empty, do NOT take the stall next to mine. I mean, really? Is that necessary? Why would someone even do that? Pretty sure my lightly flavored ice water exited my nose onto my keyboard when I read, "I'm still very concerned about the possibility of asparagus sweat being a thing." That might be the funniest thing I've read all week long. I admit too that when hubby and I were going to the gym regularly a couple of years ago, we had nicknames for everyone there. We didn't actually know any of them, but we used the names so we could mention something we noticed. There were: Redneck grandmaRedneck daughterShow off (he would look around to make sure that people were watching what he was about to do next) - turns out, he's a really nice guyRunning woman - this woman is like 60+ years old and is a BEAST. She could seriously kick somebody's arse. Perfume

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Valerie

04/30/2015 10:37AM

Also, for the last part- that guy that did the full body-scan is a douche. Seriously, what could warrant someone eye-judging that harshly? Maybe you crushed his heart in high school and he is still mad.

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bahhhhh

Some people are just a-holes, no warrant needed :)

Valerie

04/30/2015 10:37AM

Oh my gosh. This. right. here! I loved this post so much. I have had so many of the same thoughts. I have talked with a girlfriend about our gym anxiety and the whole time I read this I thought of parts of our conversation. I'll share this with her! Thank you for writing this!I HATE when people do not abide by the buffer machine. Its like- okay you might choose to smell me, but you are forcing me to smell your stank by not leaving a gap between us! Lol, of course only when there is space available. The only other thing I didn't see mentioned here is cardio-talkers! Lol when I am on the elliptical or treadmill and I am sweating bullets, I do not want to have to take out my headphones just for you to ask me a question like "which TV are you watching?" Lol- I don't want to (or physically cannot) have a convo right now! Okay, I have to go now, but seriously, awesome and hilariously honest post.

J C. and bahhhhh like this comment.

bahhhhh

Thank you for reading! Nobody tries to cardio talk to me, like EVER. I have resting bitch face, and I haven't seen me workout, but I feel certain I do not look approachable. We'll call that a blessing, lol.

Pirwaki

04/30/2015 10:17AM

Preach! I think about this ALL THE TIME: Why do these people have to choose the machine next to me?! Worst of all is when it's with someone who isn't wearing headphones. "OMG, are they listening to me breathing? Are they laughing at how totally out of shape I am? Why do I breathe so loud?! STOP LISTENING TO ME!"

J C. and bahhhhh like this comment.

bahhhhh

How do people even work out without headphones?? And the gym chatters? That stand next to someone on a machine and hold a 20 minute conversation? Bizarre.

Pirwaki

I completely judge those people and I'm not even sorry. This isn't social hour. We all came here to be privately ugly in public. Get out of my gym!

GlampingGal

04/30/2015 6:12AM

That post covers all the emotions, eh? (Whoops, accidental Canadianism - happens sometimes.) I'm a sweater. Not the article of clothing - because really, how could a sweater type this post reply? I am "one that sweats" according to Merriam Webster, but in reality I sweat more than the average person. I'm probably sweating right now. *Quick pit check* Nope, I'm not but just give me a minute... Anyway, while I don't use a gym, I know that some of these same anxieties can present themselves in different, but just as socially awkward, situations as you've described. As I lose some weight, I'm hoping that I won't perspire quite as much as I do right now. Fingers crossed!And that nasty guy... It sounds like he never really got past that high school non-sense. We'll let him live his silly unfulfilled life and hope that he doesn't pass his attitudes and beliefs to another generation. What a prick! (Is that a Canadianism? Not sure...)

Valerie and bahhhhh like this comment.

bahhhhh

Not a Canadianism! We are rich with pricks in the US, lol. Actually, I had a great idea. I'd LOVE to spend like two weeks just showing up everywhere that guy mentioned he was, in yoga pants, sweaty, and do, like, absurdly inappropriate stretches in front of him. Run sprints outside his house. Sit across from him in restaurants. Lol!! Oh, if I were wealthy and had vacation time...

GlampingGal

Hold on, I'll share my compressed work weeks with you. You could do it every second Friday. :D

Debbie

04/29/2015 5:37PM

! I love reading your posts!! That is why I hit the gym at 4 am whenever possible :0) The only people there at that time are there to work out and they really don't care about anyone else. Rude people irritate me and people who intentionally make rude faces are just stupid LOL I have the same thoughts running through my head as you but to balance out my internal 12 year old I try to give a mental thumbs up to everyone for just getting there and doing their best! (I'm s firm believer in Karma and I get slapped by it ALL THE TIME, so I try to behave as best as I can) Of course yesterday morning I was really wondering why this lady chose to get on the treadmill next to mine since there are 12 treadmills and I was the only person on one at the time! I hope the dirt bag who was such a jerk gets to watch you as your transform yourself. If he doesn't like the way you look, that is his issue, not yours! Be strong! I'm glad his poor attitude has helped to motivate you to go to the gym!!

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Jocey

04/29/2015 4:44PM

Great post - thanks! I don't go to a gym anymore but it brings back memories. I can relate now when I go running outside. Every time I see someone up ahead I always (and I truly mean always) start to monitor my inhale/exhale so that by the time I reach them I hope I don't sound like I'm about to die at their feet! And then if I feel I'm being judged (and even if I'm not) I have thoughts like 'I may be fat - but at least I'm running' or 'Don't you wish you could sweat like me? I'm a pro.' And you can't even imagine when I'm stuck waiting for light to change and I'm doing that stupid jog-in-place...

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bahhhhh

OH MAN. God forbid you be outside where strangers can look at you! I only walk in neighborhoods, and that's bad enough. Car-horn-honkers and teenagers who feel the need to shout-- c'mon. I seriously hate other people sometimes. Thanks for reading!

Elizabeth H.

04/29/2015 4:14PM

Oh my goodness, I LOVE this post! Thank you for sharing (and so much of it sounded EXACTLY like what goes on in my mind too).

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Redheadriots

04/29/2015 4:08PM

DUUUUUDE. That was amazing. So amazing that I just read it out loud in its entirety to my boyfriend, who also cracked up the entire time. You, my friend, have a gift... thank you. Very cathartic.I am you at the gym, with all the anxieties of a big-girl-in-motion. I also have mentally named the worst offenders of gym etiquette things like Sweaty McPeePants and Grunty and EuroPants, in mental self defense, because I'm not always a nice person and I'm terrified of the passionately fit people.

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bahhhhh

Thank you, and thanks for reading! I name the regulars too, hahaha! There's Broet (he has luxurious poet-y hair and pensive expression and poignant hoodies and an upper body like Arnold); there's WOOOOO!, who is a middle aged guy with many earrings who always startles me when he does his cardio-- he gets on a stationary bike and right before he begins his workout, he fist pumps to his music, claps really loudly, and shouts WOOOO! at least once. Every. Time. And we go at the same time, so I jump every time. He's also friends with everyone there, so I'm sure we'll be acquainted in future. Etc. Gymmies. Ha!

carly n.

04/29/2015 2:59PM

This was a great post! I am one of the girls in the free weight area, and it can be SUPER intimidating. I look around and I am occasionally the ONLY girl in the area and if there are any others, they are always smaller/tighter/fitter than me.I love lifting weights and was lucky enough to join a small club that got me interested where it was mostly a girl only environment. Look into a trainer and try out the weights, it is such a day to day personal challenge I find it easier to focus just on me and very rewarding! Also: That guy sucks.

J C. and bahhhhh like this comment.

bahhhhh

Thank you! I am totally en route to get a trainer in the next month or so, expressly for the weight aspect. I think I'll like it, I'm just terrified of hurting myself. So for now, machines. I feel less likely to injure myself. Less. Also, GOOD FOR YOU! Ladies like you inspire ladies like me :)