Many people mention this "journey" we all are on... a journey to lose weight and I'm not entirely sure I would call it a journey for me. I think of it more as my Mission to lose weight. Now of course that may be because what I have my focus on - my wedding day in September.
I would like to say that I've been working on losing weight for years and years and nothing works! Unfortunately (and fortunately) that has not been the case. I started gaining weight shortly after high school and just continued on and on. I never watched what I ate, I didn't excercise and I didn't join any programs. Although once about 10 years ago I broke up with a boyfriend and I had some odd determination to lose. So I went on Atkins and went to the gym 3 times a day for like 3 weeks. I lost a good 20 lbs but I think that was more of me coping with the breakup. It obviously didn't last but I didn't really try again until about 4 years ago.
I had a roommate who was a relative of sorts, so we started chit chatting about losing weight and our options. Weight Watchers was suggested and so we went for it. For her it was a DRASTIC change since she lover her rice. Anyhow, we both realized quickly how badly we were eating when we started counting points. We started changing to lower point items and before you know we were losing weight. 1 lb here, .5 lb here for me and she was losing 3 to 4 lbs each week.
I was so happy for her, but I was also quietly discouraged. I know I was losing weight and I know I gained more so it would come off diffrently and we are totally different people, but it still hurt. As oppose to her - putting a 1/2 c of rice on her plate compared to the 2 cups normally - ya that would make someone lose! LOL We did this for about 4 months and I lost each week, just not very much and the holidays came! We both kinda fell off the wagon.
Fast forward to when I met my fiance I had just started the program again last a good 12 or 15 lbs, but my goodness being in love is not good for any weight loss program. All my insecurities just disappeared and so did WW.
Fast forward again...we get engaged March 16, 2014 and now my insecurities coming rushing back!! I'M GETTING MARRIED and I want to fit in ANY dress I want. I know he won't care what I look like, he obvsiously loves me and I know i'm not going to be any less beautiful - i mean I am the Bride :) BUT I did not want to look at our wedding pictures and say "man, I wished I had lost weight".
So on March 18 we started WW and I was doing so goooooood!! Losing every week. We bought bikes, we were riding 10-12 miles a day (that's a lot to me). By October I had lost 43 lbs! the MOST EVER and as you saw I didn't really try TOOO hard before, so imagine if I had!
Then disaster... plateau... no scale change... got through the holidays and again NO SCALE CHANGE! Everyone says "oh you didn't gain that's good!" well that was 3 months I didn't LOSE either! discouragement starts to kick in. Scale starts to move in the WRONG direction, but only a few ounces here and there and then a lb here and there... ugggh ... then I started to eat right again and then i was at 43lbs lost again... Woo hoo!
So I said, okay, lets do this --Daylight Savings is here, lets ride bikes! I ate good and rode my bike FOUR TIMES that week. The next weigh-in 1.2 lbs GAINED!!! OMG I was devastated. I went on a 30 day binge of eating anything I saw. Even things I don't usually eat just because I could (not doing weekly weigh-ins either). Then this past weekend I put some jeans on and they were awfully snug so I thought this isn't good (i had thrown my old jeans away) so I decided to face the scale again to see what kind of damage I did. For some odd reason I thought it wouldn't be too much.. it was 10.4 lbs GAIN! OMFG!!!!! By the way this was on Monday, April 29! My heart just SANK. I had worked so hard to lose those 43 lbs I can't be going backwards THAT bad! I just can't I CANNOT!
Now there are a few reasons all of this written. I needed to write it for me, to show me where and why I failed in past, but also where I succeeded. I need to be truthful with myself. I need to remind myself it isn't easy. It isn't quick. It isn't without committment and determination. Once I personally figure that out I will meet my weight loss goals and more.
As of Monday evening I started. I added walking to my daily routine. I signed up for two fitness classes at my community center and I am eating well again.
Please understand fitness is not easy for me at my current weight. My stamina is horrible and things ache like nobody's business and I'm absolutely TERRIFIED of the first class on Sunday, but I know I cannot do this if I don't put the work in. I will need all the encouragement I can get to get me on my daily walks to ensure I'm going to my classes. I know at the end of the days it's me, but I have so much reasoning to NOT do it that I need that other voice or voices telling me Do It .. How Bad Do You Want It??
Sooo here goes for ME Mission Fatbegone! maybe when it's all said and done I can call it my journey but right now it's a Mission!