Starting at about third grade, I began to look different than the other girls in my class. I was being treated differently, this is the age where popularity began, and my weight was against me in every aspect of my life. My parents didn't teach me healthy eating habits. I didn't know what healthy eating was, or that I wasn't eating what I was supposed to. My weight gradually got higher until I reached 235 pounds in 8th grade. I was depressed. I never really thought I was that BIG. I was an outsider because my body was different. I ate lunch at school, and tried to keep my plate less full than anyone else's because I did not want to be JUDGED any more than I already was. As soon as I got home from school, I engorged myself in anything in sight to comfort myself from that day at school. I ate until my stomach hurt. My parents would arrive home from work, and I would eat dinner with them, whether I was hungry or not. If I wanted to, I would eat again before bed, or get up in the night to eat. It was my comfort, it made me feel good. I was a hermit in my room, nobody could judge me from there. I was alone.
My freshmen year, we were required to sign up for a health class. I had two options, PE class, or conditioning. Conditioning is just what you think, a weight lifting class. It was much smaller than the PE class, so that’s what I chose. There weren’t as many people in the class to look at me. I didn’t want ANY attention on me at all. About half way through the semester I realized my body was changing, for the BETTER. I hadn’t really changed my eating habits, but I was incorporating exercise into my routine, that I had never done before.
To continue these positive changes, I signed up at the local gym. I went to conditioning class in the a.m. to lift weights at school, and went to the gym after to do cardio. I continued to lose weight and lost 35 pounds. My senior year at graduation I weighed 190. That was better than it had been, but it wasn’t good enough.
I went back and forth between starving all day and then falling victim to eat everything in sight until my stomach HURT. Sometimes, I threw up to relieve it.
Somewhere around age 16 I started making friends with a few older girls, who smoked. I did this for YEARS. Nobody knew. But my weight dropped even more.
I went off to college and continued to work-out at the community center the college offered for “free” through my tuition. I took yoga, step aerobics, and worked out on my own for the next three years. By age 21 I weighed 169 pounds. I drank diet coke, smoked, and worked out. I was NOT healthy.
At age 21 in March I met my boyfriend, Spencer. We have been together since. Today I weigh 210.5 pounds, and a FORMER smoker. DISCOURAGING to say the least. Just thinking about going out in public makes my stomach hurt. I have a terrible body image. I battle depression and social anxiety, but the higher my weight got, the higher the anxiety. I promised myself I would never let my weight go over 200 again.
May 18th, 2015. I signed up in a diet bet. I AM GOING TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT. Stay tuned for the happy ending of this story.
FitBritt23