The Best/Worst Workout I Could Have Done

Today was an emotional rollercoaster for me. I found myself with some free time in the afternoon which usually does not happen as my son rarely naps during the day. So I decided to map out a workout schedule and a plan to keep myself motivated.

In the beginning the process was excedingly depressing for me, but it had the desired effect in the end. You know the saying "sometimes you have to be a little mean in order to be really kind"? Well I did something pretty mean to myself, I gave myself a reality check. I created a poster to keep myself focused on my goals. I took measurements of my weight, arms, thighs, hips, waist and BMI and put them on the poster under today's date. In the next column I wrote out my "goal numbers" because there are some areas I would like to focus on along with all over toning. I then hung it in a place where I would come face to face with it several times a day.

As much as I wanted this little project to be a positive thing that would be the fire that drives this journey it really was not... at first. When I first hung up the poster and stepped back I felt a little sick to my stomach. I was actually disgusted with myself. In the end these are all numbers, but these are not the numbers I want to define me. The fact that all women come in many different shapes and sizes reminds me that these digits are different for all women. However, when I look at this chart I realize I do not see MY numbers. These numbers don't fit ME and who I am. They are all wrong and I let it get to that point. It was like getting a bad grade on a test when you felt confident you knew all the answers.

For the next following minutes I wallowed in self pity while I just stared at this stupid poster that I had made. However, it had already served its purpose. Rather than taking my pity to the refridgerator and digging out that slice of cold pizza or even pouring myself a glass of wine I went to my DVD rack and dug out the only work out DVD I currently own, Jillian Michaels Six Week Six Pack. I was determined to change those numbers for the better. I was determined to no longer be angry with myself.

Ever since having my son a year ago I have not thought of myself as overweight or even out of shape. I simply thought of myself as frumpy, and just needed to tone up a bit. Well, let me assure you. If I had thought for a moment that the poster was a reality check, that was nothing in comparision to what happened next. During the course of the 35 minute work out DVD I had to stop 6 times. SIX. I am 25 and two years ago used to run four miles a day along with being a waitress in a busy bar, I never used to get winded.

In fact, as embarrassing it is, I need to share exactly how bad this workout was for me to encourage anyone else who feels like a total failure while they are working out. This DVD, for those of you who have never done it, is no joke. It is very high paced and your heart is pounding the entire time, there is a lot of cardio mixed thrown in between the ab workout. There are catapillars, burpees, mountain climbers, and spider planks just to name a few placed every few minutes to keep your heart rate up to ensure you get the most out of the workout. After the first ten minutes I was already out of breath, had to take a break and was starting to sweat.

Now let me add, I have done this DVD before about six months ago and I used to do it maybe 3 times a week for about a month. The first week I had to stop maybe once or twice during the workout, but was able to complete it without a problem. Obviously to me in the last six months I have really let myself go. As I said ten minutes in this time around and I was already feeling the consequences. I keep my house pretty cold as I dislike the heat and I was burning up from this workout. Fifteen minutes in and I had to stop for my fourth time. I was so out of breath I had to take a moment to drink some water and shake it off.

Every time I stopped though I became increasingly disappointed in myself. I was so mad that I could not get through this. Each time I took a break I made sure to pause the DVD and pick back up where I left off. My left arm actually gave out on me while doing a catapillar. This was especially horrible since even though I am right handed, my right shoulder is injured. My good arm let me down. At that point I started to cry. I only had ten minutes left. What kind of failure would I be if I could not finish the last ten minutes? So I trudged on getting more and more frusterated with myself.

Then something amazing happened. It was all over. I had finally reached the cooling off portion of the workout. My whole body was numb, my heart felt as if it were going to burst right through my rib cage, and I was actually dripping sweat. I can not remember a time I was more proud of myself. Take that number poster, I am going to win this battle!

All in all, this was by far the best/worst workout I could have done. The first step to establishing a workout routine is incredably difficult, but not even I realized how difficult it really was going to be. I hated it, I hated it more than anything in the whole world. After the second time having to take a break I was ready to say "screw it" and sit back with some ice cream, a glass of wine and a good book. No way was I going to let that happen though. That number poster was staring me down and I had something to prove to the one person that mattered, me.

Let me just say why this was the worst workout in the world and why I love it for being that way. It was horrible. Why did I chose such a difficult workout to start with? Why did I not chose something more simple like going for a walk or yoga? I could not get the full benefits from this workout because I am too weak to do it properly. Despite not being able to do it properly I am still sore and will be even more so tomorrow. 

None of those things above matter unless I let them. First off, this workout was horrible because it was the first. Had I not chosen to go along with the DVD I would not have done a lengthy work out at all because I would have nothing keeping me on track with a routine. Being forced to go along with the women on the television kept me going. I chose it because it was familiar and I knew the moves so despite my struggle I did not have to focus on what was actually happening I could focus on getting myself through it. Despite not being able to do everything perfectly I feel I benefited greatly from this experience. I know I was burning calories and making a difference in myself just by trying. Next time may still be hard, but it will be easier than today.

I am usually not an emotional person, but after this workout I cried for quite a bit. At first I was disappointed in myself for having to stop so many times, but after a bit I realized I was crying happy tears. I made it through day one. Nothing from this day on was going to be as difficult as today was as long as I kept with it. So what if I had to stop a few times? I did not quit. Nobody wakes up being able to accomplish what they set out to do without a few hurdles. Olympians did not wake up being able to run a mile in under a minute without having to struggle to get there.

Even as I write this I am a little misty eyed. I am not happy with the way I look and it has nothing to do with the stretch marks or baggy skin from pregnancy. When I see myself in my mind's eye the shape does not match up with the outline in the mirror. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is ok. This is a termporary situation and will not last forever if I do not want it to. Trust me, I do not want it to. So tomorrow I am going to try again and continue doing so. I am going to throw out that cold pizza and save that bottle of wine for celebrating when I reach my goals. We can not give up on ourselves. I still feel pretty low, but tomorrow is a new day.

PS, I am an author so I love to write, I apologize in advance because I will be writing a whole lot of blogs. Writing is a huge outlet for me and I hope it is going to help me on this journey to being fit!