I decided to go out on youtube and watch all of the Chris and Heidi videos I could find. Watching people work for a year to change their lives creates of a LOT of emotions for me. Sometimes I feel guilty because so many of the people have really big problems that brought them there. I have seen the self sabotage in them and recognized my own behaviors. In some ways it seems unfair to have to work so hard on our own when others get so much inscentive. But at the end of the day, they are on their own too, or they will be for a lifetime.
Everyone has obstacles and I've let mine sit there like an elephant in the middle of the living room long enough. Truth is, when I lose weight my husband won't be any more or less interested in me now. He's not, never has been and our marriage is a sham. But it's one that we've lived with because we both get some pay outs for it. Though sometimes I wonder if mine were big enough.
The biggest thing I have to ask myself is what is my pay off for carrying this weight around for 30 years. It's tore up my knee, ankle, both feet, self esteem, and it's insulated me from any desire to well I can't even go there.
So as much as I admire Chris, I don't necessarily agree that getting to the bottom of my past issues is what I need to do as much as to find the LARGER pay outs for dropping this weight. There's NO FREAKING way I could do even a third of the exercises that show puts out there...not now... But in time, when I get at least 75pounds off my bad knee and ankle... The door is wide open. I'm 49 years old and I have at least 71 more years on this earth. YES, I'm aware that I just said I plan on living to be 120 years old. I can do it too.