I'm writing to express my feeling after completing the weigh in photo. I know I needed to lose weight, I have been struggling for a while, but after the photo I really was overwhelmed on how much I have let myself go. I have always been fit my whole life before having my son. I ran the Marine Corps Marathon and have been known for my athletic abilities. I realized and felt the overwhelming sadness upon looking at my photo. How did this happen? I always used to look at overweight people astonished wondering how they let themselves get that far. Didn't they notice? Is it purely denial? Maybe I just kept telling myself I didn't care, or it would work itself out some day, because frankly it always did if I gained a few pounds. I'm letting myself grieve for a moment; be sad. It's okay to feel this way, it is sad. It's sad that I kept making excuses, keep seeing something else in the mirror or avoiding the mirror all together. It's sad that I can't run like I used too, and that I sit and binge eat. It is sad because if I continue on this path I won't be able to be there for my son like I want too. I'll end up sitting more, eating more, and falling into depression. I want to run, play, and skip hop and jump with him. I want to have GREAT sex with my husband without wondering what he thinks about my jiggle. I want to have energy and live with abundance. I can't do that if I keep shoving my face and not moving around. Today I want to grieve, grieve for the body I have made in the last two years, because after today I'm not grieving anymore, I'm say bye bye. Bye to sitting and Netflixing for hours. Bye to finishing half a box of Cheezitz in 30 minutes. Bye to eating meat cooked in too much fat. Bye to not smiling because I'm ashamed of how I look. Bye to wearing a cover-up at my son's swim class. Bye. Overweight, you're done. I'm taking my life back. My love gift to myself today is this: Love who I am, and be honest with myself. Enough is enough.
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