It's time.

It's time.  

I hate that I have become what I have become.  In my head I am a slim, healthy and accountable person who eats right and exercises regularly.  In reality I am constantly striving for it, but never achieving it.  I am the definition of a yo yo.  I work out four times per week, I am constantly on the move, I cook fulfilling meals for my family - for a month.  After which I fall right back to the beginning and undo everything I worked so hard for.   

I use excuses every day of the week.  "I'm a nursing mom, I need the extra calories."  "I did so well yesterday, what's the harm in an indulgence today?"  "I'm on my period.  I am supposed to eat chocolate today."  "I WILL START IT ALL AGAIN TOMORROW."

I feel alone sometimes.  I have a husband who adores me regardless of my size.  He has trouble walking alongside me to develop a healthier lifestyle.  He is a solid yet overweight man but size does not bother him.  I have two girls, one is a baby and the other is five years old.  I have to hide my shame and always be proud of myself in front of her, lest she pick up on my body issues and develop some of her own.  Inside there is no pride in what I do.  She sees me at the gym, but she also sees me on the couch with chocolate.  My two extremes never meet in the middle.   

We are in our early thirties.  Any health issues have not arisen yet but I know if I continue down this path, sickness is not far off.  

It's time to set an example for my family.  It's time to be the best me I can be ALL THE TIME, not just when it suits me.  My girls are watching me.  It's time to be better.