I've feel like I've been trying to lose weight since I was 16. Maybe even a bit before that. I know how to lose weight, but I always give up and end up gaining more weight back than I lost. I've done every diet. I know what works with my body, and I like healthy food. I think its a deeply rooted fear of failure, of it not even mattering when I put in all the hard work, that ultimately allows me to quit time after time.
This time I am going all in. I am betting on myself in a very real way, because I've started to feel the beginning affects of the aging process. I am 26. I should NOT be having my back go out randomly when I stand up. I should not have a bad knee that didn't even result from anything cool like a sports injury or saving someone else. I should not lose my balance and severely injure my ankle because 200+ lbs of weight falls onto it. I'm just fat. And it sucks. No, literally. It sucks the energy out of every day. I find that I celebrate when I have energy. Because it's so rare. And that shouldn't be the norm. I should be weirded out when I DON'T have energy, or at the very least know that its because I exerted a lot of energy that day.
I want to commit to this, and my life is so up in the air right now in so many ways, I can't afford to lose this money. It's exciting to think that I could increase my winnings, but I've never really been that sort of gambling-ish person. No, for me I just need to get back what I put in. So I have no real excuses. No take backs. I have to workout and eat right or I am paying to be fat. And that is where I draw the line. I am not going to suffer AND pay real money to do so. Over my fat ass.
Anyway, that is how I am feeling right now. This is my mission statement and my goal to reflect back on as this thing continues. There's always been something in me that allows me to forget the determination that I alway have at the beginning of a journey. I don't want to forget. I want to remember exactly what today feels like, and I want it to motivate me. I want to live. I don't want to keep inviting pain and disease and discomfort into my body. It stops starting today.