Hello fellow DietBetters. First blog post and all that so lets share a little about me.
I have been overweight my whole life. I can vividly remember being my age plus a digit as my weight for years (for example at 8 I was 80-89, 9 I was 90-99). I thought it was normal. I never thought of myself as the fat girl and to be honest I still don't really. I am overweight, I wear plus sizes, there is no doubt of that, but fat girl just wasn't where I identified. I never got teased, I have never had anyone tell me I am fat or openly judge me (although I am sure the silent judgements happen). I can't really say I self identified at all; I have always just been me. I followed the path of work, get a degree, do good in school, volunteer and didn't worry about weight. I put everyone else and everything else in my life ahead of myself and my well being. Until I got fired during the recession and found myself unemployeed and 320+ pounds. I can't honestly say what my weight was I was but a mens 3XL was tight. I started walking and job hunting and eventually found a job that had me walking and outside almost all day.
Simply by virtue of my job and being broke I got down to 260lbs and stayed in that range for the five years I was there. At the same time I met someone, but he "wasn't ready for a serious relationship". Having no experience in love I stuck around and watched him have random flings and eventually find someone he did want to have a relationship with while I hung around as the "best friend he always wanted in his life". Looking back I was stupid and let myself be used. At the time I was lonely, thought it was love and thought it was worth it. To be brutally honest; between the unemployment, being fired, a lack of a social and/or love life I thought it was all I was worth and all I deserved. I put him, his happiness and his well being ahead of myself.
I finally go the strenght to walk away when he proposed to the other girl and gave me this story that it was for his kids blah blah blah. I finally got fed up with the lies, secrets and being used. I told him I was done. While long run it was best I had been a mess emotionally for a few years at that point and it took a few months to pick myself up off the ground.
I am here now for me. I am here to learn my own strenght. To learn to love myself. To love who I am inside and out. I am putting myself first and making me a priority. Proving that I am worth the time and investment from myself before I worry about finding someone else. Losing weight, getting healthier, those are just stepping stones to my goal of being happy with who I am both inside and out.