I am doing a video blog to track my weight loss journey but don't have to time to edit and upload so I want to keep a written record here. 2 days ago I weighed in at my heaviest- 224.2. I didn't cry but I wanted to. The self disgust I am feeling for the person I have been for 9 months probably won't ever go away. I guess what makes me mad more than anything is just a year ago I was down to 187. I was doing amazing. I KNEW I was going to hit my goal weight and stay on track. I knew that by now, I would be under 150. But I'm not. Why?
Because I forgot I have an addiction. I forgot an addiction never goes away and that one bad day of eating turns into a week, then a month, then 9 months and you have regained all the weight you lost back. All that hard work for nothing.
An addict gives theirself excuses... makes things seem like it is okay. I told myself I was going a little extreme. And I mean I was getting a little crazy. I would get mad at myself for drinking 4 ounces of apple juice. But I wasn't as nearly upset as I am now that I ruined all my hard work.
It is only day three and I am at 220 now. I can't wait to be back under 200 ponds but know it is going to take a lot of work to get there.
See you on the other side
-XoXo-
Dixie