So I ended up having 2 cheat meals friday (a hallowed out 4 cheese bagel with butter for lunch and piatto pizza for supper, so good no regrets lol). But then saturday I had another cheat meal :( I still stayed within my correct calorie intake for saturday but i felt so gross and sugary from having some candies and cheese dip at my friends. I've been doing super well with my workouts though, I make sure I'm active everyday. My "off days" I still get 10 000 steps in but I decide if i go hard/easy/moderate and I'm happy with whatever I chose. I did my meal prep yesterday morning for my lunches and I made delicious stir fried veggies (broccoli, red pepper, cauliflower, onion, and green beans) and added rice and chicken to the mix. I used to have a food scale to weigh my portions but I left it in BC and I miss it :(

Every monday (this is week 3) for the past few weeks I've been doing my weigh in's and also a private video blog. Today I went up by .9lbs which was pretty depressing :( I know it's not much but I've been steadily decreasing in size lately so seeing my scale number go up was discouraging. I know it had to do with my food choices the weekend but still, not fun. I'm feeling motivated still though and I don't plan on giving up. I feel I need to get more strict though about my snack choices and avoid candy at all costs as it seems to be a trigger for bad eating. Instead I try to munch on flavored gum as it gives me the flavor minus the senseless eating and calories!

I'm also going through a lot of emotional changes lately. Back in April I decided to try going off my birthcontrol. I've been on it for 6ish years and I attempted to take a break from it back in the fall but it resulted in bad mood swings and really bad breakouts so I resumed taking it. But for some reason I wanted to attempt going off the pill again. I got my first period since April last week and it was accompanied with lots of moodiness and terrible bloating/cramps. Not fun AT ALL. maybe that's another factor to the weight gain? I want to give my body a few more months to adjust to life without the pill just to see if I can regulate my emotions and give my body some time to be free of any medication. 

Another emotional ride I've been on lately is one with my boyfriend of 4.5 years. We have been doing long distance for the past year due to educational obligations (He lives in British Columbia doing law school and I am in Newfoundland doing primary/elementary education. For those who are not from canada, these provinces are on the complete opposite sides of the country....). Last year we saw each other for a total of 35 days. It takes so long to travel to the other side of country not to mention how expensive it is plus we are both in extremely demanding programs. We have had a lot of ups and downs the past year. Even though the end of the distance is nearing, we are not doing well and it is really weighing on our relationship and overall happiness. Lately I feel like we don't even seem like we're in love anymore and it makes me so sad. This is someone I've spent so much time with over the past 4.5 years and he is such a wonderful person but our communication is so off lately and I just don't know if the feelings are still there. It is all really stressful and sucks beyond control. I just don't know how to handle it. If we stay together I feel we will continue to be unhappy or just stuck in this rut but if we break up I have to learn how to be alone and single again which I haven't been since I was 19... It's just so crazy and difficult to deal with either way.