DAY 461: Feeling some kind of weigh

Posted on June 25, 2016

That's right... I'm still here. And I've been feeling some kind of way.

Without wasting your time or mine with a long, detailed essay about how I've been busy and fighting off lack of motivation when my free time is constantly being compromised by some circumstances within my control (I'm buying a place!) and some that aren't (my job owns me lately), suffice it to say, there have been too many distractions from my mission.

Over the past few weeks of my regrettable absence from my blog and from DietBet, I've had inconsistent focus. I don't want to say this, but for accountability purposes, I'm going to: I gained. I gained enough to get me pretty far back over the wrong side of 200. It cost me the possibility of winning in my third Transformer bet, which would have been a very nice pot had I made it to the final round. Failing is not fun.

BUT, I have learned that wallowing in shame and avoiding talking about it is what got me to over 300 14 months ago, and I won't let that experience be for nothing. I have to get back at it. So, this is me, crawling out from under my embarrassment rock and trying to fix things.

I don't have any insightful reflections I feel up to sharing at the moment. It's just being busy and having trouble carving time into my days when I can do an hour of cardio at the gym, and/or that 30 minutes of strength training. Mostly, I'm frustrated with myself. It's no good when I don't get along with me.

Enter Ira Glass. The June 17th episode of "This American Life" was previewed at the end of the previous week's podcast -- this is one of the many podcasts I listen to avidly -- so I knew it was coming. I had eagerness and anxiety in anticipation once I saw it in my iTunes downloads last weekend, and I put off listening to it until yesterday. Now that I've heard it, I want to recommend it to anyone who hasn't heard it yet. Go check out episode 589: "Tell Me I'm Fat." It's a bit longer than the length of a typical TAL episode by about 10 minutes, but such a worthwhile listen.

As expected, I had a complicated reaction to listening to those stories. I think I'll have to explain that in a future post -- that gives anyone reading this the chance to hear the episode before I spoil it, too --but it was interesting. A lot of it resonated strongly with me. More importantly, though, it was the last push I needed to snap out of my fog.

More entries to follow soon!

Comment Now!

Aimes

06/30/2016 1:18PM

Woman! It’s been a long time (too long) since I’ve been on here. As always, you put it eloquently - time being compromised and distracted from the mission. All of that. So much all of that. I’m in the same boat – the seas of life have been rough over the last six months. For lack of a better description, there was an environmental disaster where my son was going to school and in focusing on advocating for the environment and figuring out logistics of life, I severely ignored my health. Booo. My point in sharing that is: don’t be me! Don’t let your mission get so far away that you can’t see the shore (enough boat references?). You’ve been at this a long time and I imagine you’re tired of trying to find motivation. But if there is anyone who can do this, it’s you. Just by posting this, you’re heading in the right direction. It’s plan and attack time. Do you have a plan yet for this weekend? I’m making a plan and am determined to do it this time. I can’t let it lapse anymore.Onwards and upwards, right?

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Pirwaki

AMY!!!! Reading your comment was like a big hug from an old friend. I was so happy to see your name again! I regained a staggering amount of weight, and I'm sure I'll explain it eventually, but ugh -- such a setback. I'm really on fixing it, though. How are you? Are you better emotionally? We need to be in a bet together again. The TAL episode... diet pill lady was ROUGH! I went back and forth between immense sympathy for her and a tiny bit of "you should've done it the healthy way," which is the judgmental part of myself that I hate. :/ How about you??

Aimes

Awwwww!!! I felt the same way when I saw your blog post! I miss seeing your posts and your blogs. How are you? Moved into the new place? It is HARD getting back into the swing of things. Getting off-track is no joke and it’s even more difficult with big life changes (i.e. jobs and moving especially). Things are better here. Potential TMI: in February, my son’s school was found to be in the same neighborhood as a glass factory (it looks harmless from the outside), which was emitting copious amounts of arsenic, hexavalent chromium and lead into the air. Yes, right around the corner from a daycare/preschool. It was a shocking revelation that made me incredibly worried about my son and everyone else at his school. I helped with the formation of a community advocacy group (as did Erin Brockovich) and spent the last six months talking to the media and working with local politicians to fight the pollution. Totally normal thing to deal with, right?What games are you in now? I want to join a new challenge!

Beckys-Getting-Fit

06/26/2016 9:29AM

Glad to see you're back! I've thought about you a few times and hoped you were doing well. You were one of the biggest motivators for me when I started back on track a couple months ago and now I am half way to my goal! Wonderful to have my kick-ass fellow dietbetter back in the game. Thanks for the post I love podcasts and am gonna check out that TAL episode for sure. TAL isn't one of my go toes but I have enjoyed it for sure. Probably my fave is Radio lab. Have you listened to that one? Anyway nice to see you! Happy dieting!

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Pirwaki

I listen to Snap Judgment, too! I would have lost my mind ages ago without my podcasts. :) I think your plan sounds safe for you. I'm wary of the gimmicky diets, too, though a series of documentaries and audiobooks I've consumed have started bringing me cautiously aboard the anti-carb train. I mean, I will NEVER give up carbs completely, but I do understand why they're so bad now. (Ironically, a study was published within the last week that shows pasta makes you lose weight. I know nothing about it beyond that, but I'm sure it's a fluke.) Anyway, continued good luck to you! I'm making a point of trying to stick around here more. :)

Beckys-Getting-Fit

Yep I'm with you on the carb thing too! I have seriously limited carbs for sure. I have this one low carb, sprouted grain bread that I like and having one slice of it toasted and buttered seems decadent to me. Yet it is healthy so I feel like if I ever say that I can't have any of that then I have crossed the line into unsustainable land. I'm so glad you're back. Let me know if I find any more podcasts that are great.