Growing up was difficult, I was always the fat kid... Always chosen last for games.... I really didnt have many friends until I hit eigth grade. My freshman year in highschool I was shoved down stairs, had my ankle broken and was constantly bullied for being a bigger girl. When I transferred schools, however, I met up with an old friend from middle school and our friendship blossomed into an amazing love that still burns bright to this day.
When I was thirteen I found out that I had PCOS and endometriosis.... I had to have a cyst surgically removed and was told it would be difficult for me to have children of my own. Christian knew this and loved me anyways. We were married four months after he graduated highschool. He was 18 and I was 19. From day one we had tried to create a family but alas nothing positive came from it. After five years of trying minus a 9 month deployment (He used to be in the army) and three chemical pregnancies, on May 18th of this year we found out we were expecting! Our dreams had been answered! We were going to have the family we have always longed and prayed for. ... Or so we thought....
On June 25th we got devastating news.... Our little one's heart had stopped beating and we were going to miscarry our little peanut. I hit a dark place... an oblivion of stillness.... I wanted to breath but I couldn't. I wanted to go outside, but I couldn't get myself out of bed.... I wanted to live but I was just alive. It was as if I was chained to a chair in a dark room being tortured. On July 9th.. three days after my 24th birthday and two weeks after finding out about the baby's heartbeat, I miscarried :( I wouldnt wish the pain, anxiety, and sense of worthlessness on my worst enemy! I have kept a journal from the day we found out about our baby until even now. I made a promise to our little one that I would finish out this year at my goal weight.... (almost year ago I started working on my weightloss and have to date (Weighed myself this morning) lost 150 pounds). I started the year out with a promise to my great aunt who passed away that my family wouldn't ever have to suffer and wonder why I passed away because of my weight and comorbidities.... and I will end it with a promise to my baby that passed away that I will continue to get healthy and stay healthy.
My year started out with me at 363 pounds and I am currently 213. Back then I was dying and I was lost... Killing myself with my food addiction... killing myself with the very thing that was supposed to bring me nourishment and longevity... yeah right! But before my miscarriage I was living!!! On January 1st I tried to climb mount sugarloaf but couldnt, but for my birthday this year I summited Stone mountain for the first time in my adult life. I never felt more powerful.I have accomplished so much this year..... I have felt lost before but it was because of the love for my unborn child that I will forever strive to live again and again and make every day count now.
I am joining the chris and heidi powell diet bet, because not only are they an inspiration for me, but I feel as though I can acheive my next goal of 4% down in 30 days. I also chose this specific diet bet because the final weigh in is between the 19 and 21st of august I believe. Well I am also participating in the Prayer flag day of hope for miscarriage, child loss, and infertility on the 19th. I thought "What better way to show love for my baby and myself than to have my dietbet end on the same day as I am celebrating what little bit of life he or she had." So my final weigh in will be the 19th and whether I make it or not, it is all a part of my healing process and I am excited for the journey.