It's funny how one moment can change everything. That sounds so trite, huh? There are good moments, like August 20th, 2016 at 4:30pm, when my dad walked me down the aisle and I married the love of my life. Then there are the not-so-good moments, like November 3rd, 2016 at 7:05pm, when my husband and I were rear-ended and my life got turned upside down. My husband walked away from the accident (thankfully), but I had the not-so-good fortune to have been turned looking at him when we were hit and as a result, I suffered a cascade of injuries that resulted in me unable to do much of anything. I ended up needing surgery, that was done on July 25th. Let's do the math: chronic pain + inability to exercise + depression + stress eating = 35lbs in 10 months.
A little background on me; Growing up, I was always the "fat girl". It wasn't untill my early 20s that I discovered 1) lifting and 2) that I was really good at it. I started doing powerlifting competitions when I was 22 and fell in love. Seriously, going to the gym to lift was never a chore for me. (Try to get me on cardio machine, and that's a different story). As I gained more muscle, I dropped the weight. Over the last 8 years of lifting, my weight stablized and I finally felt confident in myself. I loved that fact that even with perfectly manicured nails, I could still lift more than the guys. Then the car accident happened and everything changed. Those 35lbs pounds didn't come alone, they came with shame, embarressment, deppression, and feeling of hopelessness.
For the past two weeks, I have been sitting in a reclincer recovering from surgery. (I had a first rib resection to treat neurogenic thoracic outlet syndrome, that I developed from the accident). I've had a lot of time to think in those two weeks. I've realized that I can't let my injury, and the chronic pain associated with it, define me. I may not be able to do much physical exercise yet, but I will get there. I may be starting from zero again, but I will get there. It may take me a bit before I'm squating twice my body weight again, but I will get there. For the first time in a long while, I have hope.
"You can never start over and create a new beginning,
but you can always start from now
and create a new end"
So here I am. The first game I signed up for starts exactly two weeks since my surgery. I'm ready for that new end.
-B