Could this be it?

Wow, Diana, what a well-written and powerful statement. I can't change your relationship with your body and food and your self image. No one can. But I can offer that you are a powerful and clear-thinking person who DOES have the ability to not just lose some weight in a healthy way but feel comfortable in and proud of her own skin. I would suggest... baby steps. Eat a little less, move a little more. Listen when people compliment you instead of inwardly shouting them down. Find an activity that your body can do, and do well... and let it be strong and do it. Appreciate and thank it. Maybe walking, maybe rowing, maybe hiking? Do you have a sweet little dog who needs a walk every day? Is there something you and your BF could do together? He sounds like a great guy, and I bet he'd love to. Just do little changes and see how much better you feel. You'll reach a point where you'll want to continue because it feels good. I promise!