For most people, including myself, the root of an unhealthy body/mind stems from insecurity. This is a tough one to talk about, because while I feel insecure in many regards, I hope to be seen as a confident being. As I’ve stated before, a major part of my issue is pride, and with that pride is a fear of not being the best. Embracing that, as I’m learning to do every day, is something of a difficult challenge. There are days when I just don’t feel like facing it, I want to reap the rewards of confidence without gaining it. Then there are days when I really fight, look my fear in the eye, and conquer my demon for that day.
One thing I’ve noticed myself doing, which I’ll touch on in more detail another day, is comparing myself to others & allowing their insecurities to be a reflection of my own. Logically, what Friend A does should not affect how I feel about myself, however, I find that the actions and words of friends often cause a reflection of myself. To be cliché, if Friend A claims her butt is too big I internalize that to think maybe MY butt is too big. [Maybe I need different jeans that will help hide my tush. Maybe I should run an extra mile tomorrow. Maybe I need to eat a little less at dinner tonight.] Why should one sentence, that was not pertaining to me and my body, affect the way I feel about myself? The answer is, it shouldn’t. That example seems to come up so many times in a day (but not that one specifically cause we all know I LOVE my butt:). I have friends who say things with no intention of harm & I have friends who say things to be hurtful. It’s hard not to take offense, and if I am going to be truthful I DO take offense to many things. I’m teaching myself on a daily basis that I can’t let their insecurities rub salt in the wounds of mine. They are fighting their own demons and they are deflecting their insecurity onto something or someone else. The only thing I can do is listen, offer help if appropriate, and remind myself that I am strong, confident, and healthy.
Insecurity is a part of daily life and definitely affects all of us on many different levels. We can go years afraid to face our insecurity, or we can nip it in the bud. There are many insecurities that lead me to the place I was earlier this year, some starting years and years ago, others were little tidbits from here and there. I am fortunate that the support system I’ve reached out to has boosted me up. It’s much easier to look down on my insecurities from this platform at least;)
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. Do the thing you think you cannot do. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
Kayla