I do this thing, where I get obsessive about things like weighing myself on the scale. Totally obsessive. Back when I did WW and lost 87lbs, I would weight myself multiple times a day. And if I didn't like what I saw, I wouldn't eat. I would go work out. I would skip a meeting sometimes. This lead to me quitting WW, and even though I was being healthier, and playing roller derby, it lead to a slow slope back to where I am now.
Once I stopped going to WW, I stopped keeping track of what I was eating. That lead to more pizza and beer nights, which lead to more morning walks skipped. That lead to cutting down on my outside of practice workouts. Then my favorite coach left, and I lost some of my motivation to push myself at practice. And slowly, over 3 seasons, I gained back some of the weight and got sloppy, and that probably, partially lead to my injury on the track. And once injured, once I couldn't skate 3 days a week, well, then it was all Ben and Jerry's, and the scale started collecting dust.
Fast forward to this morning. I weighed myself and I went up 0.4lbs. Oh my goodness, zero point four pounds!
Here's what happened in my brain. I told myself, "I told you so," you shouldn't have had that second beer last night. How dare you make jello. Why, oh why didn't you go get on the treadmill after getting home from the show last night (a very cool music and poetry show).
And I decided I wasn't going to post the gain. I started making up reasons - I mean, it's silly to post your weight every day, right? I should only do it twice a week, max.
Basically, I started to lie to myself again. And that's not good.
Here are the facts. Weight will fluctuate. Most likely, what I did yesterday didn't cause me to gain 0.4lbs, but my body is working on what I've been doing the last few days. I made some great progress yesterday - I signed up for MyFitnessPal, and actually logged everything I ate - honestly! I logged all of my exercise. I came home from work before the show and made a small dinner that, while wasn't all health food, was a smaller portion than I normally made and included a cooked vegetable. I can't remember the last time I cooked a vegetable, unless instant mashed potatoes count (they don't). I even stretched for 8 minutes while my dinner was cooking! Who am I?
I want to be long term successful here. I mean, I want to take all the money in 3 weeks, but I also want to lost 100+ pounds in the long run. I'm not going to do that if I start lying to myself on day 9.
I had this partner once, who said they "never lied to me," but instead, they just neglected to tell me some things. Some very important things. It was just as bad, probably worse, than lying. So I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to not tell you guys (or myself) things. I'm all in. If I'm going to like me, I have to like all of me - even the moments that the scale didn't tip in my favor.