I have a confession to make.
This is hard, because I've never said it out loud or written it down. It's hard to admit, because I feel like if I admit it to myself than it makes it real.
I am fat.
See.. this is the part where I would back track and say. "I am fat. But..." But I am stopping myself. I am fat. Full stop. Let me let that soak in for a second.
I've always been "overweight" I guess. I don't think I've ever LOOKED it though - so I've always pushed it out of my mind. I have a muscle disease called Malignat Hyperthermia - which SUCKS if you are having surgery (I am allergic to the anesthesia), but is pretty great for muscle retention. My entire life, I've always been in the borderline overweight/obese weight area, but I've never looked it. Even now, at my heaviest, I still don't LOOK obese. I look overweight, sure. But I am not nearly as bad as I should be. And for most of my life - that was enough. Sure, I am heavy, but since I don't really look THAT bad I don't have to diet or exercise.
I never thought that my eating/drinking habits might impact my health more than just my waistline. Everything was just a number, and I was surely not doing any permanent damage to my body by my unhealthy habits.
Well, that's not true either.
Last week I spent all of Monday in the hospital. Don't worry, it sounds way worse than it was. I went to the doctor with a pain in my lower right abdominal and she was extremely worried that I had apendicitis. After 6 hours in the ER (Just 6! Gotta love Poland!) it turns out that I had exactly what I came into the Dr. Office thinking I had - an unruptured ovarain cyst. During the process of diagonising that though - the doctors discovered something else that I had. A fatty liver.
"Hah. Your liver is fat." My husband joked with me. I laughed along on the outside, but on the inside my brain was going a mile a minute. A fatty liver? What is a fatty liver? Is it because of my drinking? Am I an alcoholic now? Is it because of my eating? I don't think I eat THAT bad. I definitely don't drink that much. What could cause it?
Just so you know, This is what a fatty liver is according to Wikipedia (who is always right):
Fatty liver, also known as fatty liver disease (FLD), is a reversible condition wherein large vacuoles of triglyceride fat accumulate in liver cells via the process of steatosis (i.e., abnormal retention of lipids within a cell). Despite having multiple causes, fatty liver can be considered a single disease that occurs worldwide in those with excessive alcohol intake and the obese (with or without effects of insulin resistance). The condition is also associated with other diseases that influence fat metabolism.[1] It is difficult to distinguish alcoholic FLD from nonalcoholic FLD, and both show microvesicular and macrovesicular fatty changes at different stages.
So I'm not sure how much fat was actually on my liver - the ultrasound technician just mentioned it in passing as he photographed my stomach, but I don't think it should be ignored. Based on my research I have found that any one of my unhealthy lifestyle choices could have caused it - drinking, eating, not exercising....
The best thing about discovering this though, is that simple word - reviserible. It is COMPLETELY reversible with a lifestyle change. So that is what I've got to do. I've got to CHANGE. And a real chage. Not this diet and exercise intensly for a month and then think that I can go back to my normal way of living. This has got to become my normal way of living. If it doesnt then I am headed for a lifetime of obesity related diseases - diabetes, hypertension, ect. That is NOT okay.
So this is why I joined dietbet. I have a few friends who have also used it for motivation, and I think it's great. Why not lose weight and win money while you are at it? So here is to a 4 week kickstarter on the rest of my life. Thanks for the motivation!