Trying to get MY life back...ASAP

Posted on October 15, 2014

My name is Rose....I am so disappointed in myself that I am in the situation that I am in. I was fit for such a big part of my life. Not just fit, but actually built very good and athletic. I don't even know when I lost control, but I certainly did. I feel like I could afford to lose about 40-50 pounds. My husband thinks I only NEED to lose about 20 pounds(so kind). I do think that i "pull-off" my weight pretty good. People who I have know for the last 10 years think this is "how" I look. The people who knew me before that I am sure wonder what happened to me that I let myself go the way I did. I wonder that myself. I try avoiding people from my past rather than embrace them.

I have noticed that I am rubbing off on my one daughter who is suffering from lack of self esteem as well. I feel like maybe I contribute to her feeling lousy about herself since I am not happy with myself. I am and always have been someone who takes care of everyone but myself. I let my needs go and am sure to make sure everyone else is OK first. I need to lose that feeling and outlook....NOW.

My mom, who I adored, died about 15 years ago. I stayed in control since I had my dad to take care of since he was sickly. Well, he died in January and all hell broke loose! To make things worse, my brother got sepsis and was on life support for 2 months....the good news is, he has miraculously recovered! My mind of almost losing him also never recovered yet.

So that is my story. I do not know how blogs works as I NEVER wrote one before, but thought I would just write how i feel and see how it goes.

Comment Now!

rose

11/24/2014 2:02PM

Sarabeth---are you in a diet bet this month? if so, which one?

Sarabeth

10/15/2014 3:11PM

So two more things -- YOU can do this too!! AND we need to do this together!! "We" meaning all of us who struggle with weight and are ready to change our lives for the better. It's not easy. But it can be done. So know that you are not alone in this struggle. Also know that the scale does not define your worth. The scale does not define who you are. It is only a number that has something to do with gravity and our pull to the earth or something like that. It's not who you are or what you are worth. So don't let it define you. Focus on just being the best you that you can be. Living a healthy and active lifestyle allows us to be the best us we can be. Also making sure you take time to take care of you will allow you to take better care of your family. My new favorite headbands company is called Bolder Bands. You can find them on face book or google them even. But their motto is something like "Be bold. Be beautiful. Be you!"

Sarabeth

10/15/2014 3:10PM

After that I got back into running and then participated in my first 5K RUN which was The Biggest Loser Run Walk. After that however it's been a struggle. I was still running but it became harder to get up and out in the morning. I was tired all the time. I struggle with depression too. Running was helping to keep that at bay but other factors brought that back into the present. I would run some of the time but it became less and less. I was still going to WW and only sometimes tracking my foods. I wasn't' giving up yet but I was struggling. Being tired and the depression was making it harder. I decided to join Jillian's Diet Bet to be the kick in the butt I needed. But so far it hasn't been. I'm still not giving up but it's been hard. I'm still tired all the time to the point that I plan to talk to my doctor on Friday. But whether there's a reason or not I still don't want to give up. I need to keep going. I know I can do this. I've gotten this far. I need to push through...

Sarabeth

10/15/2014 3:08PM

Hi Rose! I added you as a friend on here. Not sure how this site works but I saw your post earlier asking Jillian for help as you are having trouble getting focused. Then I read your blog post as well. I am struggling right now myself but I have been on my weight loss journey for 2 years. I have lost 70 pounds. I went from being inactive and avoiding everything because it was just too hard to walking and now running. I may be a slow runner but I can run 3-5 miles. I've only done the 5 miles once, just over a month ago actually. But I've been in 3 5K races this year. I only started running this past April with the C25K app. I LOVED it!! By the end of May I was running 20-30 minutes straight. I LOVED running!! Then in June I set a goal to run every day. I used to walk on my "off" days. But because I LOVED how running made me feel I chose to just run only a mile on those days. I ran every day from 6/1 to 7/8. Then I went on a mission trip to Haiti for 10 days...

Michelle J.

10/15/2014 2:42PM

Good job on the blog. I too pull off my weight well because of my height, but I know what I look and more importantly feel like. I lost my dad suddenly & unexpectedly this past April & have had a hard time coping or accepting it. But we are here now taking ownership of our lives & bodies. We can do this! Best of luck.

50 Pound Monkey

10/15/2014 2:16PM

You did great! I'm sorry about all the stress, and the loss of your parents. I too, am an athlete gone bad. I'm horribly embarrassed that I'm where I am today and that people are telling me I look great. I want to yell, "I'm in denial that I ever looked THAT bad!" :-) hang in there, let's do this!