My weight loss journey began two years ago. I struggled with being overweight since 4th grade. In highschool I slimmed down a bit but I was never skinny. The damage was already done as in my mind I was fat. But I didn't let that stop me. I still tried to enjoy my life and be part of the things I wanted to be part of. When I went away to college is where it all went downhill. I put on a bit more than the traditioal Freshman 15. But in my mind I was already fat so I didn't realize how much of a difference gaining a little more was doing to me. But over those years I gained a little bit more and a little bit more.
Sometime during my mid to late 20's I settled in on wearing size 20 pants for quite a while. It wasn't until looking back that I realized I spent quite a few years wearing that one size. I wasn't losing weight but I also wasn't gaining weight either.
In 2010 things started to get worse for me due to different life situations. There are no horrible stories to tell but there were things that just made my life more difficult and I probably struggled with depression then and didn't yet know it. I was eating foods I liked to make me happy because when life was a struggle I wanted something that gave me a little bit of happiness. I also was coming and going and in the habit of fast and easy. So stopping at gas stations and fast food places became the norm for me. I also would drink lots of soda for the caffine and the taste. I could not stand coffee so soda was my "drug" of choice.
In the fall of 2012 I knew I couldn't lose weight on my own. I had tried a few times before but never got very far. I always dreamt of losing weight but up to this point it was only just a dream of someday. Once I realized I might need help in this area I started looking at my options. I chose Weight Watchers for a few reasons.
1. I knew whatever changes I made were for life. It was about a life style change. So I needed something that I could do for life - not just a period of time. Weight Watchers works best when you go into it with that mindset. It's not a diet program. It's a life style change. Once you reach your goal weight and maintain for 6 weeks (I think) you become a lifetime member. You just have to weight in once a month to keep yourself accountable and you can go to all the meetings you want. Sed just because you reach that goal weight and even maintain for a while it's not like all the struggles that get you to where you once were go away. For me I will still love to each cakes and cookies and sweets. I will still love pasta and pizza and hotdogs. Doing things the quick and easy way will still be appealing. Eating in front of the tv will not ever go away. So I know having a program I can continue to get the support and encouragement from for the long term is important to me.
2. I wanted a life style change, as I said. But that also meant having a plan that allowed me balance and moderations. I didn't want to give up all my favorite foods. I didn't want to feel deprived. I wouldn't last on a strict diet plan. I needed something that allowed for freedom, not rules and limitations. Weight Watchers allowed me that. Yes, Weight Watchers promotes eating healthy foods, pleanty of fruits and vegetables, and living and active lifestyle. But they also allow room for treats and sweets and all. My first month with Weight Watchers I was able to eat the foods I wanted but I just had to track what I ate. I learned correct portion sizes and I started to learn what was worth the points and when. Amazingly I found that when I stayed within my points for the day and week that I was not left feeling hungry or deprived.
3. I am a more social person. Although Weight Watchers offers an online only option, I know myself. I knew I needed to attend meetings. I need to connect with other people. I need the social element that online doesn't offer in the same way. Within my first month or two I also knew that someday I would like to be a Weight Watcher's leader. I knew I wanted to help other people on their journeys. It blew me away when early on in my own journey I started to be an inspiration to other people. I had no idea I could help other people so early on. I am still amazed when people tell me how I've encouraged, motivation, or inspired them in their own lives. I love that I'm doing that but sometimes I wonder how.
When I first joined Weight Watchers I could only focus on the food parts of my life. Physical activity was too much a challenge for me at the time. After losing my first 20 pounds, however, I did start to add more acitivty into my life. It was winter and I'm in Vermont. Asthma and cold weather are not friends either. So my activity started inside right after Christmas that year. I played Just Dance and Wii Fit mostly. I usually only did about 3 songs on Just Dance. I focused more on the upper body moves than lower body as it became to much for me otherwise. But I started doing something.
In April of that year I started to walk outside. At first I was going to try 10 minutes a day and add time each week. But walking everyday became too much of a challenge. It was just too overwhelming at the time. So I tried just one day going for a 10 minute walk. I walked for 20 minutes instead. I kept on walking. Being spring I wanted to be outside more and more. By summer I was walking 2-3 miles 3-5 times a week. In July I participated in The Biggest Loser 5K Walk with my mom. Now this was in Killington, Vermont and it was all up and down hills. But I was ready - so I thought. I did it! It wasn't easy with the hills, but I did it. While doing it I kept thinking in my head that I could so it. Just keep going. I've got it. So it was amazing to know that I could do and no longer listen to the lies that I can't. Never once did I want to quit.
Last fall I signed up for a Couch to 5K program at my job. I started using the C25K phone app but only made it through week 3 before it became too cold outside to train. I could not afford a gym membership at the time, nor did I want to walk or run inside on a treadmill. It also became a rough time for me and I struggled a bit last fall and winter. My weight would be up and down and then more gains than losses. I knew things were tough. I wanted to do better. I didn't want to struggle. Some days I didn't care though. However, through it all I knew this was a rough patch but I wasn't giving up. I knew I would somehow get through this and move on. I still wish it happened sooner than it did but the struggles make us stronger right?
Last winter I started playing Just Dance again and realized how much more I could do than the previous winter. That was really cool actually. Late winter I started going to Zumba classes, sometimes with a friend. Then spring started and I began walking outside again. After a week I restarted the C25K app. By the end of May was able to run my first mile!
That was huge for me. I had never ran a mile in my life. Even in elementary school gym class when you are supposed to run a mile, I would always walk, usually with a friend. It's very probably that I had asthma back then and just never knew it. But regardless, kids should naturally want to run and I never did. So running my first mile (20 minutes) was amazing. I never wanted to stop!
For the month of June (this year) I decided I didn't want my "off" days to be walking anymore. I wanted to run everyday. So I did. I ran the program (time or distance) on my run days and ran only a mile to mile and a half on my "off" days. I did this until July 8th when I left for Haiti.
I was on a mission trip with Haiti for 10 days and could not run while there. It wasn't safe where we were staying and there as no place to run. I went prepared to do other things like jump roping, using resistance bands, and the dread burbees even. But I never did do any of that. Life in Haiti is just different than life here and it just didn't matter. I stayed active just in every day life there and I knew when I got back home I would just pick up where I left off.
Which I did. After I got back I ran the following week 5 days in a row. I took one day off and the next day was The Biggest Loser Race. This year I was running it rather than walking. My training did involved some dreaded hills a few times a week so I thought I was prepared for it. However my hills were nothing like the ones in Killington. The ones in Killington just kept going too. I'd get up one hill and feel good about it and then there'd be another one and I would want to give up. Several times I wanted to stop running and just walk. But I didn't. My goal was to finish the race strong and run the entire time, no matter how slow my run actually was. And I did!
Towards the end I actually fell. It had rained before the race. Our race was actually delayed because of it. I had been afraid of falling in two different parts of the race but made it past those parts just fine. Towards the end of the race it's off road and on these loose rocks. I made it through the worse part and then out of no where I feel. Another person helped me up and I kept on going. I kept running with a cut on my leg and blood running down. (It really wasn't that bad though. Think kid with a scraped knee from riding their bike or something). My hands were stinging from landing on them on the rocks and pebbles and a little cut up. But I kept running. The finish line was in sight and I gave it all I had. I finished strong!
Since then though things have been a struggle. All of August and September and now October I've struggled with depression and being tired all the time. I'll have some good days here and there. I was running but less and less. I was still losing weight some weeks. But the past few weeks have been the hardest in a way. I'm just tired. I'm physically and emotionally tired. I joined Jillian's DietBet as a way to give myself the kick in the butt I needed. But this past week has been hard.
But I'm not giving up. I had a free week trial membership at a gym near my apartment. I didn't go as often as I'd have liked but I went. Last week I went Monday, Wednesday, and then Saturday I did a 5K race. That part was cool actually. It was nearby and it was called Pink out the Park. It was a small race and you could run or walk. It was raising money and awareness for breast cancer and I was glad I could be part of it. However it was a bit cold (oh and so was the Color Run I did in September) but I still did it. Sadly it's the last race I can do until spring. Although today in Vermont, mid October, it's been in the 70's today and yesterday. But that is very atypical and sadly was not the case on either September or October's races).
Anyways, Monday I went to the gym again, which was the last day of my free week. I ran my 3 miles and talked about membership. I decided to wait to sign up until next week as I'm dog sitting this week and wasn't sure how practical it was to drive out of my way. Now technically yesterday and today were both nice enough I could have ran outside just fine. I should have. I wish I would have. But I've just been having a hard time with being extremely tired. I had planned to at least walk today because it was so nice outside. It actually would have been good for my head honestly. But after taking the dogs out and feeding them their breakfast, I went back to bed. I work 2nd shift and I stayed in bed as long as I could before getting up to shower and take the dogs out again and go to work. And I'm still tired!
Part of me hopes there's a medical reason for this. A medical reason can be fixed. I hate being tired (unless it's actually bed time). I hate feeling how I've been feeling lately. I have headaches a lot and my eyes just hurt and are tired too. Maybe it's all just related to depression. I don't know. It seems to be more than that though. But regardless I need to keep pushing through, keep moving forward, always moving forward.
That's become my motto for my weight loss and healthy lifestyle journey. Moving forward. Always moving forward. Really it all we can do. We need to acknowlege the past. We may need to heal from it too. We also need to learn from it. But then we need to move on. We can't change the past and beating ourselves up over it is not helping. I've been learning all this over the past two years.
So now where do I go from here? Right now I am just so tired I don't even want to think about it anymore. But I also have no intentions of giving up. I know I can do this because I've been doing it. I just wish things weren't so hard right now. I really want a chance at winning this Dietbet. I'd love to win more of Jillian Michael's workout clothes. I went to Kmart last Friday and bought two capris, two t-shirts, and two long sleeve shirts. For the price they are great! I highly recommend them. Everything I got is perfect for running.
Oh, I also wanted to share my goals for this fall and winter. I'm still not a fan of running inside on the treadmill. BUT I have two goals for the next 6 months.
1. I want to run faster. Being on a treadmill I can control my speed and know my speed. So I figured it's the best way to slowly increase my speed either week by week or with interval training.
2. I want to focus on strength training. I want to be stronger. Also being stronger will allow for running faster too. Strength training also enhances weight loss.
Next Monday I plan to go back to the gym and get that membership. It also comes with a free session with a personal trainer to see where I am at and what my goals are and how to get there. If I could afford more sessions I would but that's highly unlikely at this point. Just getting the membership is a struggle. But it's important enough that I have to do.
Well that's a bit of my story. Just thought I'd share. Good luck to everyone else in this DietBet.