It took "the day after" for me to realise how much of my life, thoughts, actions I've put on hold in anticipation for the dressage competition yesterday. Things didn't quite go as planned. (They rarely do when horses are involved!) And I'm left feeling disappointed and empty.

The meeting time for competitors was at 3pm. Normally, a show starts in the morning, so I was a bit surprised at that. The arena had been double booked, so that was why they pushed it to afternoon. Maybe a bit of foreshadowing as to what would come. First class was pony walk-trot. I was in charge of the warm up area. Since nerves are abundant on show days and these were inexperienced riders, I was on high alert. I didn't have long to "wait" for a major incident. Third rider got near the judge's stand at C and her pony spooked. He ran pell mell back to the warm up area. I stepped in front of him and he dodged me deciding that a rousing game of "Catch Me If You Can" would be appropriate. At some point the rider lost her balance and fell breaking her arm. The other kids also got very scared and it took a bit to get things back on track.

After my daughter rode I realised that there were 32 riders before I was going to ride. We were starving so we dashed off to McDonald's (that's healthy, right?) for a quick dinner. We got back and the day just dragged on and on. Outside was the temperatures were right at freezing. Inside felt cold and damp. We weren't hungry anymore, but the hours marched on without ever feeling "comfortable". Finally it was time for me to warm up. I got "my" horse out and carefully walked through the ice and mud. He had thrown a shoe earlier in the day and didn't at all appreciate walking through the slush.

I mounted up and started warming up. He was very sluggish and hard to get moving. My biggest worry for the dressage test was that I would have the energy to get him all the way through it, so I decided to take it easy for warm up. We did a lot of walking, then some transitions, then some trotting, cantering, lateral work at the walk. I noticed a few times that he felt "odd" but the barn manager peeked and said he was sound.

They called me in the arena and I could hardly believe I hadn't chickened out. All of the anticipation from the previous weeks transformed into pure stress and I wasn't sure I'd remember the test. We were off to a fair start. Halt, salute at X. Nice and square. A bit slow getting back into the trot but not horrible. That's when things just went downhill. Every stride he needed me to encourage him to move forward. If I let off even one stride he would break to a walk. When it was time to canter, we missed the transition completely. We started trotting the circle we were supposed to be cantering when the judged said, "I think he's lame." I've watched the video over and over. It was very hard to detect, but definitely there. I thanked the judge and left.

So, after several weeks of anticipation, seven hours of waiting in around a cold barn, my dressage dreams were dashed after completing 60%-ish of the test. I had all sorts of scenarios in my mind. From literally fainting from exhaustion, to chickening out and not starting, to winning first place. I never considered that Orlic would be the problem...

So today I've given myself a big kick and am back on track for the diet, at least. Horse worries can wait for another day. All of that will be so much easier with a few more kilos gone. I've nearly hit the 1/2 way mark to the goal and feel good about that. I actually think I could make it. But then again, as yesterday showed me, anything can happen.