Or is it fear of failure? It may be a little of both...at least for me. I wasn't always a fat mess. Only over the last 10-15 years has the weight come on. I think, in part, the weight has made it easier to not be a part of things...to not fail, to not be a dissapointment to family, friends...whomever might be relying on me. It has been a crutch or something to hide behind. It has been something that I have used so that I could not fail. Being heavy has not allowed a whole lot of effort...therefore I am protected from failure....or am I?
I have tried, and have had some success, in weight loss in the past. Every time I have had weight loss, people that love and care about me have noticed and said something about it. Every time that they have said something, I have put the weight right back on. Almost like a turtle going back in its shell. If I got rid of this weight, then I would have to "perfrom." I would have to live my life. Then what? What if I failed? What if I could not live up to the expectations? So therein lies the question...fear of failure or fear of success?
It boils down to this....WHO CARES?!?!?! What is it really? Me overthinking it...me not thinking about my health. Me being selfish and not thinking how premature death will change my kid's lives forever. Me not realizing that my poor habits are being replicated by the next generation of my surname....and they will pass it on...and so on and so on. When does enough become....enough? Why NOT me? Why NOT....all of us? Why not one day at a time, one month a time, one life at a time? Money or no money, I believe it is time to come out from behind this rock and live my life. My wife will appreciate it...as will my kids...and those around me. You cannot change the world without changing yourself.
"If tomorrow wasn't promised, what would you give for today?" - Ray Lewis