So its always been a fantasy of mine post graduation to go to my high school reunion having lost a lot of weight and show all the people that bullied me that I'm totally amazing and they totally suck. I was heavy then and believed I had absolutely no control over it. So I always thought being successful after I moved out of my parents house and could have a better grip on my eating and exercise habits was the best way to "get back" at people who were just awful to me and my friends. Sure, I also have other really good reasons for losing weight; I want to be healthier, live longer, and be happier, all of which stem from good health. However, I am embarassed to say that it took me this long to learn that I am responsible for my own happiness, and that even if I am smaller, smarter, prettier, and just plain better than critical people, they are going to still say something crappy about me. In fact, being successful is probably just going to fuel the fire.
On the other hand, I am proud to say that I have learned the past few years, as I completed a Tough Mudder competition, several 5ks, 10ks, and a half marathon while living my life, going through drama, and cutting people out that are just not worth my time, that I have to do this for me and not them, and bring my locus of control inward. Sure there are only so many factors that are within our control, but what goes in me is largely within my choice capability as is when and how hard I work out and how happy I am with myself. What's really funny to me is that even at my lowest weight (about 145- which I lost in the first place by literally starving myself) I was not completely satisfied with how I looked, and got hung up on what people thought about me. I am more confident at 195 than I have ever been, and I still wear and rock a bikini every summer, regardless that my belly hangs out and my arm fat jiggles- whoever doesn't like it can look in another direction dammit, girls are supposed to have curves!
Self love, despite my weight gain, has been my greatest gift to myself and will continue to be my greatest gift as I take the challenge to get myself back down to a healthy BMI safely and effectively. Additionally... Imma goin' ta win me some cash while I'm at it XD!
So with that, I say huzzah! Bring it on life.