Weight loss and culture

Posted on February 2, 2015

I am American, but I have lived in France for over 10 years. When I came here, I was quite overweight. I'd guess around 180 lbs (I avoided scales like the plague but I remember one doctor's appointment when I was at 172, and not at my heaviest) for my 5'6'' frame. I knew perfectly well I was overweight, but no one had ever quite said so to my face. I was lucky not to have been the butt of bullying in high school or university (except, oddly enough, one remark once from a girl heavier than myself!). My family and friends never mentioned it to me. They would always sugar-coat things to spare my feelings. If I specifically mentioned it to them, they might make a kind remark about how it would be good to be active or healthy, or something of the sort. We Americans just don't like to point out or comment on each other's fatness. It's rude, right?

Then I moved to Europe. I had not one, but two or three people I barely knew, tell me outright that I was fat. They didn't do it to be mean, they thought they were being helpful. One woman kindly suggested I try doing some situps: "30 minutes a day - is good for the middle, no ?" As if she were the first person to tell me about exercise, ha. Of course at the time I didn't think it was funny. I went home in tears. If there was a silver lining to that story, it was that it made me face the facts a bit. I lost a lot of weight that first year in France, some intentionally, some not.

It's taken me years and a lot of perspective to see the humor in it, and grow tougher skin. I married an Albanian. Albanians, like people of many other cultures in the world, will freely comment on each other's weight. "Hey, how are you? Man, you've gotten fat!" "Hey! Yeah, I know! I've put on 20 lbs, can you believe it? So how's your family?" They discuss it like any other subject. I've never seen any of them take offense. Then they move on. This was shocking to me at first. I'm still a bit uncomfortable with it, but at least I've relaxed enough to discuss my own weight issues with my Albanian family. I even joined in my family in a laugh-filled game of "let's weigh ourselves and see who has the healthiest BMI" last summer. That's more than I could do years ago!

A summer or two I was taking Spanish lessons. When I came back from vacation, my Spanish teacher (who was Mexican) said, (or so I thought) "Boy, you've lost weight! I hardly recognized you!" I thought that was odd, since I'd put a few pounds on, and it was only later when I looked up the word she'd used that I realized she'd actually said "put on weight!" At first I was miffed, but then I just shrugged it off.

I wouldn't say I'm totally open about it all now, but I'm definitely more open than I was. And what I've come to discover is that weight is just a number, and that we're all struggling (even those who appear skinny). Just the other day I learned that a friend of mine, who I think looks great, is only a pound or two lighter than me. She's just got a different shape than me. That gave me a bit to think about.

Sometimes I wonder if we Americans wouldn't be healthier, and happier, if we were a little more open about our weight.

What are your experiences with this? Do you discuss your weight with your friends and family?

Comment Now!

Nathan A.

02/03/2015 4:20AM

I have done a lot of travel throughout my career, and I remember at first being shocked over a series of trips to India where I had gained some weight. Some of the people there - who were all generally super friendly - would come up to me and express very directly that I had gained weight, and just looked at me smiling, waiting for a reply. I didn't really know what to say at first. But later on I realized that they didn't express themselves to be mean or cruel, rather, they just wondered in a casual way. It wasn't a big deal to them, but they were far more open about it than others.Simliarly, my wife is Czech, and I met her in Prague, and over there, at least 10 years ago, it was rare to see obese young / middle-aged people. They have a more direct way of discussing things such as weight as well.Perhaps being open and candid with others is helpful if done in a tactful way. We shouldn't use excuses or ignore potential health problems in our friends/family.

Ruby541

02/02/2015 7:45AM

You are right when you talk about culture and food. I immigrated to the U.S. from South Africa with my Californian husband and life here is very different. Food is very expensive in South Africa and items such as coke and candy are luxuries and sold in small quantities. Fat people back there are viewed as being poor because the carb heavy diets of corn meal are predominantly what poor people eat to stay energized. I'm not saying everyone is thin but I grew up that fat was like a US size 12. What floored me when I moved here a decade ago was the really big big clothing sizes. In South Africa you could not find really big clothing let alone fashionable clothing. I think it's a disservice because it seems that it's ok to be any size, you can find clothing and still not sacrifice on fashion. I think it can put a false idea in people's minds about their overall state of health and wellbeing as a result. My thoughts ...