Lose weight the fun way.

Posted on February 8, 2015

My future mother-in-law wants to have us over for dinner tomorrow. She is going to cook and says she will be cooking green veggies and chicken, but I know how she cooks--lots of oil and butter. And I know how she acts when you say no, I don't want that or no, I don't want seconds--like I shot her in the heart and she can't believe her son chose someone like me.

Yesterday, we took my grandma out for her birthday. I told her it was her choice where we go figuring that no matter where we went I could get something healthy like a salad. Of course, she chooses this Polish restaurant where they literally do not even have salads, and again, everything is so heavy and made with lots of butter and oil.

Wednesday my grandma gets out of the hospital after her second round of inpatient chemo, and she wants us to stay the night. We want to be there for her because of cause that is the most important thing, but it throws a wrench in everything because she doesn't have a blender that we can make out morning smoothies in, and I'm not sure how good they will be made 24 hours before. Also, we have to sleep on an air matress so we always get a terrible nights sleep and the next day I crave carbs like crazy.

My fiancee's friends want to go out to dinner with us in two weeks to celebrate the fact we both are engaged.

Next weekend was already a planned cheat meal for Valentine's Day.

I don't mean to sound whiney because I know there are much worse problems than having friends and family want to spend time with you, but why does it always have to revolve around food? And why can't they take no for an answer when I don't want to eat unhealthy? I'm still trying to get fully into the swing of things--it's only been a little over 4 weeks. I know I have to deal with these situations eventually, but it feels like it is too much too soon. Right now, the most control I have is that I am able to plan and cook my own meals. I don't like that being taken away from me!

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Polly B.

02/08/2015 4:50PM

First never say the word Diet, it becomes a challenge for people to make you break it. How often have you been told 'go on, a taste won't hurt you' as they fill your plate/glass. It has to be a no thanks, looking them squarely in the eye. If they persist then say you have a health issue which you are dealing with. I know that dieting for me is getting my head in the right place, say this to yourself 'Slim people make better choices.' If the choice is limited then cut down/halve the portion size and move on, don't beat yourself up over stuff like this, you are better than that.

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Natalie M.

02/08/2015 2:47PM

... (continued) want what I offer. But you know what? The tiny prick of hurt lasts about 2 seconds then I'm fine. Whereas food the guest doesn't need affects them much worse for much longer. So I'm fine with a no.You are important. You are just as important as your future MIL. Your health is more important than her 2 seconds of hurt feelings. If she feels more than that, it's something she needs to work on, not you.

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SpaceCase

It is definitely something that both me and my fiance agree she need to work on. Unfortunately, she doesn't see it that way, and I know you can't change anyone but yourself. I do think I need to stop working so hard at pleasing someone who cannot be pleased though!

Natalie M.

Don't you wish you didn't have to marry the whole family!

Natalie M.

02/08/2015 2:45PM

I love Sarah's idea of smilingly reminding your future MIL that you have a wedding dress to fit into! That is a great "excuse" that a lot of people would accept. I know some people, especially in some cultures, don't like any food refusal as to them it seems like a rejection of their love and hard work. I am very lucky that I've never really had food pushers in my life, and because I've always been a picky eater I'm used to saying "no thanks" to anything I don't want to eat, or a I take it and leave it on my plate. In extreme circumstances I've been known to wait until the host leaves the room for a minute then quickly hide some of the food in the bin (under other rubbish if possible).But, I'm ashamed to admit, I have been known to be a bit of a food pusher myself. It's something I think I have successfully controlled. I pride myself on my good cooking, and on "looking after" my guests (by giving them more food than they want or need??) so it can hurt my feelings if they don't ...

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Chris V

02/08/2015 1:55PM

I agree with Jade and Sarah...you have to start thinking on you. There's always going to be unhealthy food choices thrown at you and so you need to speak up and think of what is best for you, your husband, and your future together. Everyone will eventually respect the fact that you are building a better life for you and your fiance.

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SpaceCase

02/08/2015 1:53PM

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. Your suggestions do make things seem like the have the possibility of being manageable. Still feeling overwhelmed, but i guess I just have to take it one day at a time and eat and work out as best I can for that day.

Sarah G.

02/08/2015 1:26PM

I agree with Jade - disappoint your MiL, not yourself - tell her you love her food but you have a wedding dress to fit into! Smile a lot and eat the salad or healthy food that you brought, plus a little taste of her meal. Her son DID choose you, she has to deal with that sooner or later, and you don't want a lifetime of trying to please her at the expense of what is right for you and your family. Choose the restaurant for your meal out and research the menu first. I find that I am ok with eating out as long as I know what I will have and can enter it in MFP before we even leave the house. Good luck, and well done for starting this journey, you can do it!

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Jade

02/08/2015 11:13AM

That does sound hard. Can you offer to bring something to the dinner with your future MIL? Then you can eat a lot of, say, your clean salad, and have a slow pace on her chicken and veg - not refusing, but she can hardly complain if you "couldn't finish" your first serving if you decline a second. Can you take your blender with you to your grandma's house? I know it's not the nicest thing to pack, but if you're driving, it's not the largest item either. And since your fiance's friends want to treat you, maybe they'd be OK with input on where to go? In any case, try to focus on the most immediate future (like today/tomorrow) to help not get overwhelmed. And it's OK to disappoint someone. Just make sure that someone is NOT YOU. People will be OK with it. They will support you. Have faith in them. Stand up for what you need and want for yourself. This is something I've been struggling with for such a long time and I finally feel like I'm starting to sometimes do right by me. You can do it!

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