A slow day at work makes me realize how hard it is to avoid the boredom bingeing. Right now I am in the zone. Getting up early to jog, preparing meals in advance, hitting daily goals for fiber, and protein and fat while limiting carbs. I have successfully avoided fatty foods despite my family's pizza, ice cream, and trips to Buffalo Wild Wings. When I am in this zone I want to think I can always stay in this zone, but I know I am not always so hyper-focused on dieting, and one of the things I know can trigger unhealthy eating is boredom.
Why do we think we are hungry when we are bored? Why is food an activity? I spent about an hour this morning getting food ready between my breakfast and prepping my lunch and dinner, and I wasn't hungry when I had the food right in front of me. Now, sitting in the office with idle hands, it would deplete a lot of willpower if there was food in the break room. I am not sure why. Maybe my mind wanders to phantom pangs in my stomach. Maybe I am always craving something unhealthy. Salty or sweet, caffeinated or alcoholic, and it is in those times when my mind isn't otherwise occupied that I am aware of that constant craving.
Whatever it is, it is not cool. I'm on day two of giving up caffeine to try to lower my cortisol, but I am not entirely sure it will make a difference. So many positive changes I am desperate to maintain, but the adjustment causes anxiety. I'm in transition, so I stress that I didn't give myself enough time to prepare my food, or that I will sleep through the alarm, or that I will forget something and be forced to decide between not eating at all or winging it. And now even doing nothing stresses me out!!!
Woosah. I'm kicking butt. Whether I am perfect everyday or not, I'm trending toward success. There will be days when I make mistakes. The trap I fall in all too often is allowing those mistakes to frustrate me until I quit.
During my jog this morning I thought about how there is only one thing that will prevent me from achieving all my goals, and that thing is me. That voice of doubt and weakness in the back of my head, that tells me I am going to fail and repeats back to me all of the worst things I think about myself. When I have successful days or finish a goal I beat down that voice. More than any pounds I lose or miles I run I can't truly overcome that damn voice in my head. Which, I guess, is louder when I am bored :(