8:30pm. I stand in the shower, letting the hot water run down my back. Thinking. Thinking. Thinking. Every time I take off my clothes and look in that stupid mirror I see.... yuck, gross, ugly, fat, careless, lazy, disgusting, wrong, undesirable, sick, huge... The list could go on with words that describe a very unhappy and unhealthy person. I just got off the scale. Two Hundred Seventy Nine Pounds. That was only after the first read of error! I just keep thinking that one day the scale isn't going to be able to read my weight because it doesn't go up that high. As I pour soap into my hands and run them over my bumpy body I think about my 10 year high school reunion that is in August. AUGUST! That's like 6 months away.... 6 MONTHS! I have to face my peers with this body? I have to admit that I have spent the last 10 years eating because no one's going to care about my successful career, my amazing husband, or our beautiful daughter because all they are going to see is the fat suit I showed up in! From cheerleader to sumo wrestler! Ugh. I just want to show up and have fun, not be uncomfortable in my too tight dress that I squeezed into because I refuse to buy anything bigger than size 18. I will not, NEVER EVER, buy any piece of clothing that is 2 digits and has a 2 in the front. No. Never. With my luck I'll probably bend over and rip the dress right in half! Anyways, I finish my shower and an idea pops into my head.... my elliptical. My elliptical! I should really drag that thing outta the garage and start using it! So 8:45 at night I tell my husband that he loves me and wants to get it for me. "Tonight?" Yes. My journey starts RIGHT NOW! I am tired of being fat and I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of being fat and tired! I need to do something. I need to get this FAT off of me. I need to get out of this suit. I HATE feeling like this! So I am starting this blog to record my journey from fat to fit. I WILL do this! I have to. I no longer get to be selfish and choose the tv and food over my husband and my daughter. Life is to darn short to look in the mirror and see all the horrible things I see. I know this isn't going to be easy or fun. I put myself here and now it's time to dig my self out of the early grave I have created. I believe in God and I know that he is going to help me, push me, carry me. I am both excited and scared for this journey to start but most, I AM READY.