With my busy schedule I really don't have much time to watch television.  However, that doesn't stop me from demanding Extreme Weight Loss.  I get inspired when I watch this program just like so many other people.  I know there are lots of people that say well if I had the time or the money or the chef etc...etc...In reality I realized it doesn't cost a thing to get back on track.  It takes persistence which is what Cassie said at the end of her last weigh in.  It's not about being perfect, it is about being persistent.  We all want to lose weight and we want quick fixes that lead us right back to weight gain.  I have been one of those individuals and have struggled with my weight since I was a little girl.  I've never known what it was like to be "skinny".  But today as a 43 year old woman writing this blog I realized that no matter what obstacles get in my way, I shouldn't succomb to them.  Dealing with family and taking on the weight of their demands is difficult.  Sadly, I'm not married nor do I have children because I've never really loved myself enough to allow someone else to love me back.  This is my fault, I know this and I can blame my father for not showing me love and affection growing up, I can blame my mom for letting me fall down and not helping me back up, I can blame my brothers for just being mean, I can blame society for not accepting me as I am, I can blame...and the list goes on.  

But in truth there is no one to blame but myself.  I take charge of my life and I am responsiblie for how I live it.  I know what I should eat and choose to eat something that is not so good.  I know that working out helps with a healthy lifestyle but my mistakes override that scenario.  I know my illness makes things bad for me but I allow it to overwhelm me instead of doing something more about it.  

Emotionally, I understand how all this affects me in a negative manner, physically I feel the damage, and mentally, well who doesn't have some kind of mental issue when it comes to weight.  Most would say I've had a reality check, however, I would say no its not a reality check.  It's accountability for my actions, my past, my present and my future.  So far since I've joined this contest, I thought losing weight would be fun being in competition with others.  However, today I realized that by joining this group, I was reaching out for help.  Understanding that today allows me to finally breathe.  

I'm not perfect and I make mistakes just like everyone else.  But today I have realized that in order to move forward with success, I have to understand that success isn't about what other's think I should accomplish.  Success to me is losing those couple of pounds when I've been stagnant for so long.  Success means going to the gym four times a week and walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes and actually surviving the task.  Success means choosing to eat the healthier alternatives than grabbing that fast food junk.  Success means being able to wake up every morning and thanking God for another blessed day and having a mission to do the best that I can in all that I do including my weight journey.  Success is not beating myself up when I fall on my face and accepting that mistakes are life lessons learned.

Success to me today is fulfilling my goal one step at a time and finally being content with my journey...

Sylvia