Hello lovely Dietbetters! How are we all today?
For my first blog post, I wanted to put my weight loss story into words. It is a long one. I have been losing weight here and there since 2011. 2011!!!! That's almost 4 years now (I started in September of '11).
It has been a long journey that has lead me to where I am today. I have a long way to go, but I wouldn't trade my 'journey' for the world. I have learned so much along the way, met so many inspirational people and discovered a side of myself I never even knew existed.
It all started in 2011. I was on vacation from school (I was in my second last year of high school). For as long as I can remember, I had wanted to lose weight. Something inside of me while I was away turned on, and I made the conscious decision to eat better and exercise more. The exercise part was easy - I had been going to gym since 2008. For awhile I had only been going to the gym once or twice a week, but I made the decision to start going 5-6 days a week. The hard part, though, was eating healthy. I love food. I love sinful foods. I love healthy foods. I just LOVE food. And I love eating. I love eating while studying, while watching TV, while out with friends... Limiting the amount I ate per day was a challenge.
I managed to go weeks where I didn't eat any bad foods. I avoided them completely. No chocolate, no cakes, nothing like that. All I ate was what was healthy. I was eating under 1000 calories a day. I had read somewhere that to lose weight, that was what you had to do. I think back now and cringe, but at the time I seriously thought that's what I had to do. It definitely worked. I lost 20kg. The only catch? I was miserable. Exhausted. Angry. I missed food. I had lost 20kg, but somehow the happiness I had anticipated was not there. I had worked hard for months only to discover that I was still the sad 'loser' I thought I was when I started.
My self-esteem was as low as it had ever been, yet I was looking as good as I ever had in my entire life. I was healthy. Fit. Yet all I could think about was how "fat" I still was. How exhausted I was all the time. How much I missed food.
If you couldn't tell already, I gained all of the weight back. I was unhappy. I had everything that I wanted, but I went all the wrong ways about attaining it.
Fastforward 3 years. After three years of falling off track, I had gained all of the weight back and more. I was eating everything and anything - making up for all the deprivation I had put myself through in 2011. I was dealing with the stress of graduating high school and surviving my first year of University. When I got to my second year, I decided to take a year off to focus on myself. I took the time to get my eating habits and exercise habits back on track. I knew I had to change some things from 2011, though.
I no longer ate under 1000 calories. I joined myfitnesspal and calculated how many calories I would need to eat per day to LOSE weight. I started logging everything I ate as well as my exercise for the day. I got a fitbit and started monitering my steps. I changed my mindset on weightloss. I improved my relationship with food and exercise. No longer was I exericising to lose weight - I was exercising because I loved becoming fitter and fitter, the weight loss was just a bonus. Food was no longer the ENEMY, it became my FRIEND. I started to eat to nourish my body.
This balance that I had made took time. It took about two years. And I am still learning. There are still days where I eat all of the chocolate I can stomach. There are still days where I eat too little because I feel fat. There are days where I push myself too hard or don't push myself enough in terms of exercise. I am learning everyday and everyday is a challenge, but I have discovered that is the beauty of this journey.
Today is the 29th March, 2015. I have eaten more than I should have. I didn't exercise today - it is my rest day. Today is one of my "not-so-great" days but this does not mean I give up. In 2011, if I had a day like today, I would be beating myself up. I would push myself too hard tomorrow and I would eat too little to "make up for it". But the year is now 2015. My mindset has changed. Today wasn't great, but tomorrow will be better. Not because I have to "make up for it", but because everyday is a new day to improve.
I hope to join a new dietbet soon and smash my goals. Life is beautiful. I have finally found a balance in life. I hope you all have too.
Thank you for reading my stream of consciousness!