I want to be free. from thinking. from restricting. from forcing.

Posted on August 6, 2014

I was rereading an old journal of mine- I've been keeping food journals for years. And I read on Jan 1st of this year, one of my fitness goals was to stop being obsessed with food/constantly focused on food. And 7 months later, I'm still in that cycle of eating out of control or super controlled.

My mind is constantly on food. It's been this way since I was 13 years old. I'm 20 now.

This was a shocking realization for me. I tried to imagine how much of my life I've spent/wasted thinking about food. What I need to eat, need to not eat, etc.

I do yoga, meditation, run, ballet, everything. I'm always forcing myself to exercise. Always.

I never just live. When I do, I eat often eat foods that make me feel bad, and then I feel overwhelming guilt.

I need to see a food psychologist.

I tried to overcome it on my own, especially the last two years- and i'm no better, I don't think.

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adrienne121

08/07/2014 5:30AM

Nini, thanks for opening up & sharing your story with us. Wanna hear something interesting? I used to be the same way (always thinking about food) until I started eating only 2 meals a day (lunch & dinner, & 1 snack). Eating that way has helped me focus on doing other things besides obsessing over food. I was like that when I was eating 5 small meals a day. That used to drive me CRAZY!!! I'm doing intermittent fasting, & it's working for me. I still eat every day; I just have my last meal around 6-7pm & then I don't eat again til 1 or 2pm the next day. My body's in a fasted state for 17+ hours. I drink my warm/hot lemon water, regular water, & a 20 oz cup of coffee & green tea & I'm good til then. Time goes by sooo fast, I have to remember that it's time to have my breakfast (get it - break - fast). I usually have some protein, a veggie, & a fruit, & I feel good!!! I hope everything works out for you. It's a rough road, but you can do anything you set your mind to do. Good luck!!!

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Nini

I keep trying to do intermittent fasting! I really believe it helps too. I've seen it in my friends who fasted for Ramadan. I will summon the motivation to do it again! Thank you :)

Nini

Green tea also really helps me! I just have to run to the bathroom to pee constantly haha. Ugh, it's so nice to have your comments to refer to. Thank you all!

Lynda H.

08/07/2014 4:10AM

Wow. These are some important insights. Good for you for recognizing what is going on. Please follow your own advise and take care of yourself. I want you to live, too.

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Ceri

08/07/2014 2:38AM

By the way, from your picture, it's looks like your quite skinny allready, you don't have "fat" face or anything. I just see a very pretty girl.

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Ceri

08/07/2014 2:37AM

It's diet-thinking, what you're doing. And it can get pretty deconstructive. You know this allready ofcourse. I recenly read this book (only in Dutch avaiable, but I'll translate the most important parts for all of you soon in a blog) and it really helped me think about (un)healthy utrition in a healthier way. No restrictions, no forcing.
Find some professional help if it's keeping you from enjoying life. Food's necessary, but it sounds like it's the prime focus of your life, while that should be happiness. Hope you find a way! Take care!

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Jen

08/06/2014 10:58PM

I'm the exact same way. I get frustrated when I see my husband eating whatever he wants and staying the same size. If I want to get a slice of pizza, I think about it for days before actually eating some... Only to feel guilty right after eating. It's seriously crazy, I've been like this for years. I just want to eat, enjoy it, and not feel stressed out about me possibly over eating. If you find a solution, please share with me.

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Nini

You and I.. are the SAME!! Mentally the only thing that works for me is being far front he kitchen and busy at work. But even that fails. I'm going to try intermittent fasting. I also think weight training is of value, because your muscles eat up half of what you eat, so that explains how people can drink alcohol and be thin, you know? Not every carb shows on your body when your muscle swallows it up. So you can treat yourself to that goddamn pizza. But muscle also increases appetite. I just can't afford to keep exercising 1.5 hours a day to maintain my weight. It's exhausting. I wish I was 16 again and had too many butterflies in my tummy from young love/boy problems that I only thought about food once a day. lol.