While it's been a crazy ride these last couple of monts, really who am I kidding since about August. I was someone from October throug May of last year would go to the gym in the morning and at night. I loved the way I felt when I left the gym and knew that was a great way for me to control my emotions. I then decided to use the excuse that my daughter was graduating and I was too busy to put myself first anymore. Who was I kidding, it was only an hour or two that I was using for the gym. I definately knew that I got enough sleep and the exercise was good for me. However as I will call him the DEVIL got involved in my life and things were beginning to fall apart. I am someone that is a reactor and I decided that I needed that friend of mine back in my life that I had put on the back burner. FOOD, and wow did our friendship get back on track fast. I easily began to put the weight back on due to the fact I renewed my relationship with food and then I also decided I no longer needed the gym. I went from 199 a weight I had been reaching for and wanted to keep going until I hit 170 but I also began not being able to wear those clothes I had come to love. They were the clothes that were in and I had blingy but JEANS and I loved them. I also could feel myself getting larger and one of the biggest problem spots for me has always been my arms. I began to feel like the incredible HULK, my arms I swear were starting to burst out of the seams in my shirts. I no longer could feel comfortable in shirts I loved to wear. This is something that has been a big deal to me my ARMS, my sister gives me her hand me downs and the one thing I have problems with is the arms. She has the little arms and I want the LITTLE arms.
I had been doing this program called CORE in 8 and it makes total sense that you eat every 3 hours and you stabalize your blood sugar by eating a PFC (Protein, Fat, and Carb) every 3 hours. I have seen the proof that it works and will work if I can just stay on PLAN. I need to do this for me and only me and I now have a surgery planned for May 18 and yesterday when I weighed in at the doctors office I was back to 242, really I thought toni that is 43 pounds higher than I was last March.....Why is food so addicting to me and why do I let it control me. Last night I rode with my son to town and he wanted a slush so I went into the store with him and bought 2, not 1 but 2 packages of Chocolate Zingers. The kicker to this is that I ate them all. I then went home and ate a couple pieces of left over pizza from supper tooo. I drink Cherry pop right now like we might run out by the end of the month. Today I brought my water bottle back out and need to start drinking just water again.
I am needing to control this portion of my life and be the one that will no longer let garbage go into my body. The one thing I have learned is when I eat bad, I have feet issues, horrible gas explosions (you know what I'm taling about) I believe that is definately my body telling me that the stuff I have been putting in my mouth is not nurishing my body but doing the opposite. No more of having that friend in my life that lets me do the wrong things BAD FOOD, now I will treat food as my nourishment and remember there was a reason that food was put on this earth. The reason was not to gorge myself everyday and at each meal. I need to move on with this relationship and make it work again for me. I want to work out at home and outside for the next two weeks until I take some of this weight off and then head back to the gym in the morning. I am very lucky to have a friend that will be there and has been at the gym for the last couple of months waiting to see me there. I will no longer let myself feel like a failure but I will conquer my feelings of being a looser and embarressed with how I have let myself go and get the me back. I will hold my head high and be the ME that only I can BE.....