"Obese"
That's what the doctor told my parents- that I was becoming "obese" at 12 years old. I didn't know what that meant. All I knew was that I was being put on my first diet and I was only in middle school. While all my friends were out eating pizza and ice cream, it was salad and carb-free snacks for me!
I became angry with my parents for not letting me eat what I wanted. I started hiding food in my room and locker at school and I began binge eating whenever I was alone. My parents and doctor were not happy about this. I was put in several sports groups that year and was able to maintain my weight at about 170-180lbs until high school with help from Softball, Lacrosse, and Cheerleading.
Junior year hit me hard. We moved over 1000 miles away! I had to start a new school in a new state and try to make new friends. After being told your fat (or obese as they would say – because that’s so much better than being called “fat!”) for 5 years, your self-esteem isn’t that great- which made meeting new friends more difficult for me. On top of that, we moved after try-outs had ended for fall sports. So I didn’t have a chance to get into anything physical that year. I know, there were other ways to stay active but I was stubborn and angry- I mean, I was a teenager after all!!
My weight spiraled out of control that year after I met my first boyfriend. He was “obese” too, as my doctor would say, and not very nice- but that’s a different story. All we seemed to do together was eat! I was so infatuated with the fact that another person wanted to spend their time with me that I didn’t realize how much weight I had put on until graduation time almost 2 years later. When our senior pictures came back in 2009 I saw it – I was the “big girl”. I immediately started over exercising and undereating because I thought that was how to get thin fast. Well, it worked at first, that’s for sure- although it came with its own set of problems. Not long after I started over exercising, I got fed up and started binge eating again. I was making myself sick and I couldn’t stop. This cycle went on for a few years until I developed an eating disorder and gallbladder disease as well as reached my heaviest weight in May of 2016. I was 24 years old. I was sick, tired, single, divorced, unhappy, and I weighed in at 256.8lbs wearing a tight size 18 women’s. This wasn’t who I wanted to be.
That’s when I found Diet Bet. I joined for the accountability factor. I did not want to lose my own money, so I had to do this right. I had met with nutritionists and dieticians in the past, but I never took what any of them said seriously- until now. Turns out, they were right the whole time! I have finally found a routine that works for me and with the encouragement from my fellow Diet Bet-ers, I’m unstoppable! I have made drastic changes in my life since May. In the past 6 months I have lost 68lbs but I have gained much more. I have gained confidence in myself, strength- both physically and emotionally, will-power- I am now able to say “no” to a large bowl of ice cream every night (I still indulge, just not as much), I am closer with my family now and I have gained happiness. This year has been a rollercoaster for me! From a devastating break-up, to buying my first home, and now finding myself; it was all so worth it.
Today I am wearing a size 8-10 pants and size L top, that didn’t seem possible to me 6 months ago when I was bulging out of my size 18’s and XXL’s. I have a healthier relationship with food now. I am learning to love myself every day. Some days are hard still. I look in the mirror and see the “fat girl”. Even though I’m no longer labeled as “obese” or “anorexic” or a “binger”, I feel as though those titles will always have a strong emotional connection to me.
So what’s the moral of this story? If I can do it, anyone can. Corny, I know. Stop telling yourself you’ll start tomorrow, or next Monday, or after New Years’- because you won’t. Start today. One small change can create a landslide effect in both good and bad ways. So say “no” to that extra slice of pizza tonight, or that large bowl of ice cream with all the toppings (my favorite!). Learn what your body needs and how to fuel yourself. Find yourself- you can be your own motivation. Push yourself- you are capable of much more than you may imagine.
Most importantly - love yourself. If you don’t, who will? :)
Bree