Motivation is a slippery fish.

Posted on June 1, 2015

I have been struggling to write a new blog post for a little while. I came across the excerpt below, that I started last week or the week before, I forget now.

"Today I weighed out for my fourth verified Diet Bet win. I am now at 3 Kickstarter wins and one Transformer Round 1 win. I feel good.

Last weekend I hit my 30 pound milestone and decided to celebrate with a new bra, because my old one was absurdly too big. I mean, I had chest to lose, but c’mon. Let us evacuate the belly first, body. No? Oh. Well. Ok I guess.

I also celebrated by shopping in my closet. I have a bad habit of buying things online and never getting around to returning them if they don’t work. So I had a few pairs of jeans and a few tops that were various kinds of too snug. I now have two new pair of jeans which fit perfectly (score!).

Lately I’ve been feeling very down and I’ve been struggling to keep motivated. I think I have been able to pin it down, but in the mean time I’ve been trying to find a way to get my head back in the game, as it were."

So I'm reading this, and it struck me. I have had all wins so far (um, except maybe this next weigh out... it's not looking good right now) and I have had a lot of scale and non-scale victories.

But I don't feel good.

I mean, I don't feel BAD, and I generally feel fine I suppose, but the energized feelings, the jazzed feelings, the elation and the pride and the sense of accomplishment-- I lost it.

I have been lax. I have been slipping more and more over the past few weeks. Last week I might as well have been an unsupervised toddler in a candy store the way I acted. I didn't make it to the gym-- I had a good reason or two, but crappy/lazy reasons or 5; I have no excuse for missing a week. So, while some of my good habits have remained solid and kept me from immediately gaining weight, it isn't enough and it won't last indefinetely.

And you know what? I feel pretty certain that a big part of me not feeling awesome is my diet. It's one of those vicious cycles, where I started a new medication that's messing with an exsisting medication plus hormones plus life plus CUPCAKES FOREVER! Etc. And right now I know I need to get back in the game. I have so many positive reasons to lose weight, and absolutely zero reasons to give up. But I don't feel the spark. That motivating thing, whatever it is, to inspire me, to insight some dedication. So I will fake it. Fake it till you make it. Kimmying. Outside in living, just for a minute. Just till it comes back. These things are organic, sometimes. I can't make myself WANT to work out. But I can make myself work out. So I'll do that.

So this week is a new week. I re-started today. So far, so good.

I am not looking forward to the gym today. But I will go, and I will be fine, and I will feel glad I did afterwards.

Every journey starts with a step, yeah? Yeah.

Comment Now!

Kimberly G.

06/02/2015 4:55PM

How are you able to put into words what I cannot?! Literally this whole post is me right now. (Even the I need a new bra soon part. Damn you stomach for not getting smaller first!!)I also have been able to shop around my closet. I had to throw out somethings this weekend because they don't fit like they used to anymore. Even though that should have made me happy, like you, I lost my spark. I guess we can't always be at 100 percent. I have to remember to cut myself some slack because losing weight IS hard, it takes time and it will trip us up. I haven't worked out for the past 10 days. (I finally broke that evil spell yesterday). We can do this. Fake it till you make it really works. I need to find the joy in losing weight again. We are not going to find it by doing nothing. Good luck and thank you for this post! I just found my motivation to get through today's workout thanks to you!!Much Love, Kim

bahhhhh likes this comment.

bahhhhh

Thank you for reading and commiserating! I've made it to the gym TWO WHOLE DAYS in a row. And you know what? I got my spark back. Faking it worked, at least short term. This site is so amazing. Such great comments and encouragement! Thanks again, Kim :)

Alice W.

06/02/2015 9:23AM

I feel sort of lazy this last week. Clearly I'm not, I've walked 4+ miles three out of the last five days, with an average pace of 18 minutes per mile. But I haven't done anything else. I haven't done the Blogilates videos, workouts or challenges. Those make me happy, but I still haven't done them, because in my head, walking four freaking miles in just over an hour means that I don't have to do squats or weight work. But I need to do those things. My saggy stomach isn't going to unpooch itself! My arms aren't going to get strong and toned just by swinging them by my side when I walk. So today, I'm re-starting, just like you. I will do strength work tonight. Like you said, I will (do it), and I will be fine, and I will feel glad I did afterwards.

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bahhhhh

Good for you! I went yesterday, and it was fine. And I wanted to stop after 20 minutes. But I didn't. And I wanted to stop after 45 minutes. But I didn't, And I wanted to skip weights because I did an hour on the elliptical. But I didn't. So today will less awful. And tomorrow will be even less awful than that. Why do we do this? This thing where we convince ourselves we don't hafta do things that make us feel good? It must be some kind of sabotage. Anyway. Good for you, Alice. Reset, everyone! :)

Chrystal M.

06/01/2015 12:33PM

This is an interesting idea that I think could be a factor with what is going on. Only you would know for sure. Not many folks talk about this... I had read that our bodies have a mind of their own and that the body will do everything in its power to stay the weight it was used to the longest. In my case this theory has run very true... That anything under that weight triggers huge automatic responses to starvation, even though a person is overweight. The trick is to keep the weight you want to be for a long while so that your bodies biggest response will be to stay there.

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bahhhhh

That's pretty interesting. In my case, the weight I was the longest is still pretty far away from my current weight. I gained a lot pretty quickly, unfortunately. But I've read that the less time you hold it, the easier it is to get rid of, so maybe that's along the same lines. I think my biggest problem right now is a hormone-based crap-fest. But when I get the weight I'd like to be, I'm going to hold onto it FOREVER!! Thank you for reading and commenting! :)

Pirwaki

06/01/2015 12:12PM

I know how you feel! I'm still upbeat about the results I'm getting, but the mental part of this is EX.HAUST.ING. I have to cheerlead myself not only through every workout, but through every minute leading UP to every workout! "OK, put on the lycra pants. Now the sports bra. Now the t-shirt. Now the Polar band. Now the Polar HRM. Now get the hair up. Now fill the water bottle. Now the shoes. Now... well, now you have to work out." The amount of internal groaning I do on a daily basis could break records. And that runner's high I hear so much about? I gotta call bull shit. It doesn't exist. BUT, what I've learned is that I can think about this differently. I'm not going to the gym as a punishment, I'm going as a reward. I'm not DEPRIVING myself of that piece of cake, I'm keeping it and all its sugars and chemicals out of my detoxified body. It sounds cheesy, but coming from a place of love about things actually has made things easier for me. I've done this before and failed because my mindset was always negative and punitive, i.e. "Well, you ate that Twix bar this morning, you fat cow, so you're taking your disgusting ass to the gym tonight." It's actually MORE motivating, or at least easier to stay committed, now that I've let go of my inner drill sergeant. In those rare moments when I do feel motivated, I just know to capitalize on them. Otherwise, it really just is what conventional wisdom about weight loss has always said it is: a lifestyle change.

Kimberly G., Alice W. and bahhhhh like this comment.

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Pirwaki

My problem is always getting bored, and that demotivates me. That's bad news on the long haul that I have. I think about going to the gym, and it's just like, "ugh, really? That place? AGAIN?" Anyway, you're definitely not alone in the struggle. This little salmon is swimming right beside you.

Kimberly G.

The truth in this post!!! GAH! Thank you Pirwaki!