It's OK to struggle. Just keep trying.

My first dietbet ends on Sunday. It's been approximately 4 weeks and I have lost 15 pounds. That, in and of itself, is amazing. But I've lost weight before. Let's talk about what's different.

Somewhere, at some point in time, my focus changed. My motivation is no longer to be skinny. My motivation is to be healthy. I just got married 5 months ago and we want kids. I want to give myself every advantage I can with conception, a healthy pregnancy, and with raising my child. I don't want them to struggle with weight like I do. If I already have healthy eating habits in place, then they will grow up seeing what healthy food choices are and knowing how to make them. I think that is a wonderful gift for them.

I've also decided that I deserve to be happy. That means losing weight so my body doesn't hurt as much. This means gaining confidence. This means becoming more active and having more comfort inside my own skin. I deserve all those wonderful feelings, and I plan on feeling them for long periods of time.

I've struggled. I've tried to stay positive, but sometimes it's been hard. At least once a week, maybe more, I've gotten discouraged. Or tired. Or hungry. I would ask myself "why are you doing this? It never works. Just give up." It would have been SO easy to listen to that voice. But what has that voice gotten me? More weight. More pain. More insecurities. Bigger clothes. The fear of not fitting in tight spaces. Sounding like a stampede of elephants on the treadmill. None of those are things I want. That perky voice encouraging me has gotten me smaller jeans. That voice has gotten me pride from friends and family. Compliments. Less pain. More stamina and endurance. And that perky voice has a much brighter future. That perky voice is HAPPY.

I want to be honest this time. In addition to changing my ultimate goals and outlook, I want to be brutally honest. I want to be able to say "it's hard today" because those are the days when I need reminders of WHY I suffer through the hard times. And I want one more voice out there telling other overweight people "it's okay to struggle. But keep trying".

I am PROUD to say that 4 weeks in I have not missed a day at the gym. Re-arranged some days, sure. But I've gotten my 3 days a week every week. I am PROUD to say I have completed every C25K workout thus far. I may have had to make some adjustments to my speed, I thought for sure I was going to die a time or two, but I FINISHED THE WORKOUT.

Thank you everyone for the support and encouragement. I know for sure I couldn't have made it this far without it, and there's still a long road to go.