This is Why I'm Fat

Posted on October 12, 2015

Like (6) Reply

I don't know about you, but I often feel like I have to justify why I'm overweight.

"I have a medical condition that makes it really hard to lose weight but really easy to gain it."

"I have a bad back."

"I never know what to make or eat."

"I don't have the time or energy for meal prep."

"I don't have time for exercise."

Any of those sound familiar? The truth is, they're all excuses. I know that, and I hope you do too. Here's the thing:

That medical condition requires me to eat and live a certain way, NOT be fat forever.

That bad back would cause less pain with more activity, less weight and more strength.

Pinterest. Cookbooks. Facebook groups.

Make the time. Make it a priority. Make YOU a priority.

See above.

One of the biggest reasons I gained so much weight and kept it on for so long? I was scared. What if my husband isn't attracted to skinny me? What if I tried to lose weight and failed? What if I gained it back? What if losing weight didn't solve all my health problems like every doctor in the world thought it would? What if I was skinny but still had low self-esteem or depression or was clumsy?

What if I lost weight AGAIN (because I've done it before) and was sexually assualted AGAIN?

Truth be told, I've been carrying my weight around as a shield. Every time in my life that I have lost weight, I have been taken advantage of. Molested. Sexually assualted. The "R" word. Multiple times, by different people in my life. I lost weight and guys paid attention to me and thought they could do whatever they wanted. So by staying fat, no one paid attention to me and there was no danger.

Except there was. I was the danger. I was slowly killing myself. I was miserable inside my body. My skin felt too small and I couldn't do the things I wanted to do. Weight limits became a very real thing that I had to pay attention to. Even years after the last incident, I was still letting these attackers run my life and tell me how to live.

No more. This is my declaration of independance. I will no longer let those pathetic excuses for men run me. I will no longer let their fear control me. I will live my life for ME. I will become strong and healthy for ME. I am beautiful and fierce and deserve to be happy.

I am changing my life. I am making me a priority. I am making time for myself. That includes the gym, meal prep, and any thing else I want to do. So whatever your reason/excuse for carrying around the extra weight...find it, admit it, confront it an OWN IT. Don't let it own you, anymore!

Comment Now!

Marilyn B.

11/16/2015 11:48AM

Jackie, I just read your post and I was touched and blown away by your honesty and willingness to look at your life and carrying extra weight. You seem like a very bright and smart woman and I encourage you to keep doing what you've been doing and don't give up! Life always has set-backs for us all, but we can work through them and it seems like you have definitely been working through them. Keep on doing your good work and keep that great healthy attitude and philosophy that you have!

Kirsty

10/13/2015 11:38AM

You are amazing and strong. I can't imagine where you have been, but, having some shared some similar experiences, I am so moved by what you have said. You shouldn't have to live in fear, you shouldn't have to live under a cloud cast by that kind of scum. You deserve to feel strong and powerful and beautiful, because that is what you are.

Jackie likes this comment.

Jackie

Thank you! It's my hope that someone with similar circumstances will see this and realize they can do the same thing :-) What's so crazy to me is that I never realized that's what I was doing until a friend pointed it out. At first I thought she was over-reaching with her Psych 101 class, but the more I thought about it I realized she was right. It feels so great to let go of all that though! Some of it has been hanging around more than 10 years!

Marilyn B.

Jackie, it seems like you have also chosen some very wise and good friends--friends that can be honest and open with you. It doesn't make any difference the "age" when we realize something because it's when we do something about it. And that's just what you've done! I admire that and your life will be better for this "change" of looking at things and how you live your life. Keep it up and don't give up!