Disturbed by my image in a half marathon photo

Posted on August 10, 2015

Just now, I saw a picture of myself walking the San Diego marathon. Feelings of sadness, shame, grief erupted from my internal being. Realization, I did not have of how large, I was. I really didn't realize I was so massive and it makes me both sad and disturbed. How can one not know they are huge?

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Christine B.

08/16/2015 8:17PM

I hear a lot of me in what you wrote. When I trained for my first half. I was 200 and went down to 150. This January I was 220 and am now 177 - because I trains for another half. I can tell you that both times I looked the same coming in and going out. However in the second one I started giving myself positive affirmations on a daily basis and my outlook on my self changed 100%. Don't know if this could help you, I just know that the first time around I motivated myself by saying - get out there fatty - everyone is laughing at you so keep running so it stops - etc etc. The second time I didn't and it made all the difference. The mind believes what you tell it on repetition (we train like dogs sometimes) and what I didn't realize was I was training myself to have a negative view of me, daily. I know affirmations sound like the cheesiest thing ever - I can tell you, though, they made a huge difference on my self outlook, regardless of current weight. For the record I tell myself I am beautiful, driven, confident and successful. You can say whatever as long as it's positive (and it felt super dorky at first). Anyway, that's my sidebar for the evening. Hope it helps and congrats on doing the half! :)

Laura C

Thanks Christine. My journey is similar, ups and downs, except backwards or on a different time line. I was 150 in 2007 and 2008. Then 180 in 2009. All the half marathon pictures looked pretty good, considering I think my idea weight is around 120. So even though I ballooned up to 195 (which is a 20 lb weight loss bc I started training at 215), I thought well the photos are never bad. I even smiled for the camera. In this 2015 half marathon picture, one can definitely see that I am top heavy, which one couldn't see in the other photos.Today, I decided to add interval weight training to my routine. Lots of reps at a fast pace. I am hoping this will slim my arms. Also, it's supposed to help with running form. In addition, I did several type of ab crunches to attack the waist. I don't know what else to do with what's between the waist and my face. I am hoping that cardio will help slim that.In August, I have had a few good exercise days (Aug 6th -8.7 miles (don't know how long that took bc I spaced the mileage throughout the day. Then lots of days with 15 to 20 minutes of the bike.) Then and I have no idea why early this week (I think it may have started at the end of last week), I found myself in a depressed funk. Today I was back on my feet trying again. I still feel a little depressed. I think it's my lack of progress as far as Diet Bets go. I see people doing really well and I haven't won a 4% kickstarter yet. I have only won 1 round of a transformer. So there's this negati

Tiffany T.

08/13/2015 10:05PM

I've had that moment. I remember thinking "how did no one tell me!?" ...As if someone would actually risk that, when I was so unaware of it. Then I think to when a friend asked me in all seriousness if I thought they had gotten fat. Nice little table turn there. True friends (and I think ourselves as well) tend to see us for who we are, not what we look like. We'll stop & judge ourselves when we see a photo, but generally don't think too much about our outward appearance. Or we tell ourselves it's not that bad in the mirror. Truth is you're probably have a personality overflowing with awesome and are comfortable with who you are that it didn't register. But that's why we are all here, to better ourselves. You were in a marathon!! You are here now--be proud of the effort to better yourself, to get what you want. I understand the need to judge yourself, but we're all here to support one another. Keep up the awesome work!

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Laura C

Thanks Tiffany! I am trying to learn about self acceptance and being reasonable. Now, if only I could convince the scale to be reasonable:)

Reese

08/13/2015 4:53AM

What I see is someone who entered a half marathon! You are more than you're current weight. You are a person who can set goals and achieve them. Mark where you are. You'll never be there again!

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Laura C

Awe! That's so nice! Thanks! So marking where I am on the calendar and working on going lower. Yes, I have turned up the exercise and am working on drinking 100 ounces of water everyday. With the exercise, I have set up a plan to complete another half in November and I am following a suggestion about adding lunges to my routine so that my large leg muscles can build. Also, I am working on my upper body strength. I don't have a lot of strength there, yet :)The water was a suggestion in the Chris and Heidi Powell game. They recommended to drink 50% of your weight in ounces in water . So 200 would be 100 ounces of water. I have been out of the 200's since March and really stuck in the lower to mid 190's. The commitment to drinking that much water is harder than the commitment to ramp up the exercise LOL Thanks for the encouragement Reese.

Matty A.

08/11/2015 9:02AM

Sometimes I wonder that about myself. Am I just huge and don't really notice? Sometimes I bump into doorframes because I don't know how big I am!

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Soolcat

I have the doorframe problem too.

Laura C

Hi Matty, I can relate to that. Also, sometimes I am walking in an aisle and I'll see another person coming. Then they'll move to the side, which is really insulting. arghh... Well good luck on your journey and thanks for the support. :)

Betsy H.

08/11/2015 8:42AM

I totally get this. I kind of feel two ways about it though. 1.) I'm not happy with how I look in photos, in swimsuits, naked... so I am working to change that. I think looking at myself honestly and ackowledging where I am is a very important first step. But then there's... 2.) It's even more important to love oneself and be grateful that we have these amazing bodies to exist in. Many of us are strong, can walk or even jog for a while, we have all these parts that work pretty well and don't hurt too much. So what if we don't look like the airbrushed bodies in magazines? We are still beautiful!So that's where I am, walking the line between self-acceptance/love and moving forward to change for the better. It's hard, very hard.

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Laura C

Thank you for this perspective. Self acceptance is a hard thing. I do need to be more appreciative. BTW you have a beautiful photo, as well as a great outlook on life.

Betsy H.

Thanks!

Laura C

08/10/2015 11:42AM

Hey Justine, I always thought that my family was being mean because they would take these very unflattering photos. Pool party- you're brave. I love to swim, but I won't go unless I am allowed to wear an oversized t-shirt and shorts. I think that makes me look normal (roll eyes). Thank you and may you be on your way to cool pool party photos.

Justine U.

So funny thing about this pool party - I wasn't in a bathing suit (totally not ready for that) but I actually had to jump in the pool to get my son ... clothes and all. Photos before and after my quick dip - both very unflattering. :)

Laura C

Justine U. I have been to pool parties where I climbed into the water fully dressed. The only problem is the time it takes regular clothes to dry, as compared to bathing suit material. Sorry about the photos. Arghh. People with cameras at pool parties... maybe that needs to be banned. :)

TravelFunKes

08/10/2015 11:41AM

1. Sometimes pictures turn out badly. Even for people not working to lose weight. 2. Cut yourself some slack and turn this into positive affirmations about how to feel better in the next picture!3. YOU WERE IN A MARATHON! AWESOME!

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Laura C

Awe! You're sweet! Thank you. The experience was pretty awesome. It was a half and I danced through a large part of the course. SO That is Awesome. Thanks again

Laura C

08/10/2015 11:38AM

Hey Stephy, I didn't even have a full length mirror until dietbet. I was trekking my scale to a neighbors to borrow hers. I work a lot from home. So daily mirror routine... quick glance... brush teeth... is hair almost acceptable for the grocery store... quick glance... For dietbet my sister found a mirror that I can use. I leave it in my garage and lean it against the wall for weigh in days. Then I grimace take the picture and don't look again. I guess mirror therapy would be one thing that would help us both. Thank you

Laura C

08/10/2015 11:33AM

Nicole, thanks for relating to this. When you complete another, I hope you can say, "Hot dang! I am hot!" I guess with work we both can. I am changing my reasons for wanting to lose weight from "wanting to date again" to "being able to say 'Hot dang! I am hot' "

JoyRo

08/10/2015 11:21AM

We don't know because it was subtle changes over a long period of time. I don't know about you but the time I spend looking at myself in the mirror has been decreasing over time. Consider this a gift, you never have to look or feel that way about yourself ever again, not if you don't want to! (ouch, I felt that coming right back at me. We all can learn from looking at ourselves for a little longer more often. Time for me to get real too!!)

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