Today was metafit day. #soharsh
First metafit class since before xmas and it is always like starting again ... again.
I rock up and hand my money to our instructor, who is mostly a lovely lady. On this occasion the metafit class she planned wasn’t on her iPod, so at the last minute she was going through her book to work out which one to do.
Upon finding the class she was going to make us do today, this lovely friendly lady temporarily turned evil. The look on her face as was much the same as this.
The class she chose is called “The Shredder” at least this is what I thought she said. You know it’s going to be bad when even Metafit advertise the workout with this photo.
All through the warm up my bones were cracking and complaining, and when we had to bend over my old lady hips didn’t want to cooperate. So we are off to a good start.
This session has three sets of exercises back to back BEFORE you get a rest. Then repeat these exercises in reverse order before you get another 15 second break. Which feels like about 2 seconds by the time I get enough oxygen in to think about what is coming next.
The first set was sumo squat holds, burrower squats and then side lunges, without a break inbetween. All the while being told to get lower. I’ll get lower alright, I’ll lay on the ground.
With other exercises like floor to sky jumps. Laying flat on the floor you are supposed to just pop-up to a standing position and jump as high as you can, then repeat over and over. Man lifting my fat arse off the ground at ANY speed is a challenge, and the only popping going on was my joints. I am a little dizzy by the end of that one.
This set also involved spidermen plank. A plank with your arms and legs out as wide as you can before falling flat on your face. Seriously the human arms and legs are not meant to hold the weight of a baby hippo, this was a belly flop waiting to happen. Sweat was dripping off the end of my nose and I closed my eyes in the hope I wouldn’t feel the pain .. really, how is that going to help?? At least the face plant into the floor would be more of a surprise.
More sprints on the spot, long jumps and tuck jumps. I hate tuck jumps. Getting my frame off the ground for any length of time is near on impossible, let along try and get my knees up. Between the mass around my gut, and the size of my thighs it’s not happening not matter how much you yell at me.
So I chose to do squat jumps instead.
The whole class from start to end is only 30 mins, with a warm up and stretch at either end the actual exercise part is only around 20 mins. But I still ended up as red as a beetroot with sweat going into my eyes and I forgot to bring a towel so was using my top to wipe my face and if you have ever seen a teething drooling baby without a bib you’ll know what my top looked like.
I get home and start to make my banana breakfast smoothie and I am so out of it I open the wrong end of the chia lid and my arms are still shaking so much from attempting to hold myself up that I dump a whole heap of them in before I realise. If you can see in the photo there are over 1cm of them that made their way to the bottom, let along the ones clinging for life on the banana on the way down. I’ll be picking these out of my teeth for the next 4 hours.
The rug rats are complaining about being hungry, so I better go get them lunch. Seriously don’t they know what I’ve done this morning, cant they make their own. :-(