For years I've been frustrated with my weight. My body. My energy level or lack thereof. It's always at the back of my mind. Especially when I'm trying to look good. I look at myself in the mirror and I look like a mess because I need to lose weight and I don't look as nice as I know I can look. Because of it I'm not confident in my skin. I don't like being in my skin. I have tried over and over and over to just be comfortable and confident in my skin. I can't. Even when my husband tells me that I look great and HE'S actually PROUD of MY body because it housed his children. It still doesn't help. It makes me smile and feel good in the sense I feel loved. But body-wise it doesn't hit anything. I just think "You'd be more proud of my body if it looked better or was healthy." Then I think "Gosh...if I just would've stuck through the work outs and healthy eating I did a year and a half ago, imagine where I'd be at now. I could be at my goal weight and be the most fit Ive ever been in my life! But I'm not."
Because I gave up. I wasn't in it. I wasn't into it. I wasn't motivated. I didn't push myself at all. I was lazy. I was down. I was stuck and I wasn't in the right place in my head or heart to pull me out.
So why now? What is it that make me believe this is IT. This is finally the time that I will get my body back.
I have a few reasons:
First and foremost are my kids. My 3 sons. I don't want them to have the fat mom. I don't want them to have the same struggles as me. I want them to lead by example, and changing my lifestyle can and will change theirs too. Logan is a little on the chubby side himself and I don't want him to start struggling at his age. He's only 10.
Second-my (possible) future baby. It's possible we may try to add another baby to our family. It would be the final baby to complete our family. I'm doing this to help my odds of getting pregnant without fertility treatments. Also to be super healthy to have a healthy pregnancy. I deliever premies, so that pregnancy would be high risk right off the bat. I want to be able to keep that baby in as long as possible. Maybe a healthier body would help. Anything to be able to carry full term, I'll do.
Third-I want to love my body. I haven't loved my body in a long, long, very long time. I want to be confident. I want to feel great. Not just look great, but feel great. Confidence adds so much positive attraction in a person, and I don't have that. I want to be able to have energy. I'm sick of feeling tired and sluggish all the time and have no motivation for anything really. I want to be able to go up a couple flights of stairs without being embarassly out of breath because I'm so out of shape. I want to be able to run around with my kids and participate in a lot of physical activites with my family without wanting to quit early because I'm too tired and out of shape to want to do it.
Forth-I have a bad back. Back pain. Bad posture. Being overweight doesn't help it any. I'm hoping on this journey I am able to fix those problems and be able to do exercises to help strengthen my core and my back to have better posture.
Fifth-I want to be able to wear cute things and actually LOOK good in them! I can see a super cute article of clothing, but the instant I put it on...it's not so cute anymore. With my spare tire, muffin top, and lumps and bumps, it looks sloppy. I don't like wearing jeans anymore. I can never find a pair that fit right everywhere. It's either too big everywhere, or too big in the waist and perfect in the butt/legs, or too big in the butt and too tight in the waist, or too big up top and too small on bottom. Either way I can never find a waist that fits me perfectly no matter what. I'm too squishy, so they never stay up or it's too tight and it looks like I have 2 spare tires and it's uncomfortable. I also want to just look amazing underneath it all so I'm confident no matter what.
Sixth and lastly-I want to be able to make this into a lifestyle so it just comes as 2nd nature instead of just a "diet" to lose weight and in time I gain it back. I'm not getting any younger, and at only 29 I feel older than I should. Changing my lifestyle choices to being healthy and fit is the right way to do it. Before I was just doing what I could to lose weight and I didn't care how it happened as long as it happened fast. I want this to be a lifelong commitment and I am more than ready and motivated for it to happen.