Here we go again...

Posted on January 28, 2016

I can't even count the number of times I've said I was ready to make better choices for my health and lose weight to gain confidence and feel better about myself... only to fail a few days or weeks later and binge out on all of my "favorite foods" - telling myself it was okay and that there was always more time to try again!

I've gone up and down on the scale over and over and over - but always seem to end up just a little bit more up than down for that damn digital number staring back at me...

I'm a stress eater... and I lead a very busy life... MY TWO BIGGEST EXCUSES.

They're both true - but excuses nonetheless. And using those excuses has made it very easy for me to get into the worst shape of my life and my biggest number on the scale.

It makes me sad. Mostly because I don't want to feel bad about myself, and I know that I do right now. I know that I'm going to be disappointed when I step on the scale or look in the mirror... because I know that I've created the body that I live in right now through my own poor choices.

I am a nurse and a coach of a high school athletics program - both of which I should be a healthy example for my patients/athletes for. Every day at work I tell patients that they need to pay better attention to their health and take better care of themselves. Every day at practice I push my athletes to condition their bodies so they will be stronger and have better endurance each and every day. And then I go home and eat fast food meals and sit on the couch? Talk about hipocracy. There are some days when I don't even want to walk my dog - what? How hard is it to walk a dog? And how fair is it to my dog that he doesn't get his exercise because I'm feeling lazy?

There are very few body parts left on me that don't jiggle when I move. I find myself having a hard time doing things that used to be easy. None of my clothes fit me. My knees creak when I bend or walk up the stairs to the point where I think I should probably go see a doctor about it. I don't feel pretty. And I hate all of that.

Now... I do have to say that I don't hate myself at all. I think I'm a hoot... And I know that I'm a good person. But I do hate that I've taken my body for granted. Our bodies are the one thing that will always be there in life no matter where we go or who we're with - and I feel like I've just been destroying mine for no reason. I have the knowledge from nursing school about what we need to do to take care of ourselves... and yet I don't.

So here I am again. Trying to make the committment to myself to be better - to be healthier - to live the words that I speak to my patients and athletes and family members every day. And I'd like to say I'm confident that this time will be the right time - but I'm totally not. Because I've been here so many times before. But I won't let that stop me from trying!

I've used dietbet to lose weight before and it actually did work really well for me. Holding myself accountable is definitely not one of my strong suits... And lord knows I don't have a lot of money... So putting some of that hard earned money on the line to hold myself accountable definitely does the trick.

I'm going to try to work out with my athletes at practice each day - even if it's just a little bit. And actually use the gym membership that I've been paying for instead of just handing them my money for no reason. And I also want to cook my own meals and make better choices about what I'm putting into my body to fuel it. I actually really love cooking... and would love to make myself great meals every day. But I use that "my life is too busy" excuse yet again. I know all of that change won't happen overnight. But I've gotta start somewhere.

I really think that the biggest key to success for me will be making myself a priority. I know that I am a strong willed and intelligent person and I've done some pretty great things in my life so far. So I need to apply that same attitude to this adventure and make THIS journey one of those great things.

Words of encouragement are always welcome! And I'll absolutely give them right back! After all... I apparently am pretty good at telling other people they can better themselves!

Best of luck to all of the other diet betters. And here's hoping that I can make this committment to myself stick. I'm going to continue to write blog posts throughout the journey because I think that will help me vent and stay on track as well...

That's all for now!

Comment Now!

Aaron

01/28/2016 2:58PM

Ya' know, the cool thing about this is that you never give up. If I were a betting girl....(wait, this is DietBet....ok, scratch that!) I would "DietBet" that we all are starting over and over and over. That is why we're all here, funny enough. You are among MANY flawed friends trying to work this thing out and you are doing amazing! Have fun, Sweetie! :D

Rochelle C. likes this comment.

Rochelle C.

Absolutely - and I'm so glad I'm getting more involved with the blogging and communication half of it this time around. The round hasn't even started yet and I already feel way better about my chances, haha! Imperfect people are the best kind of people. Live and learn!

RachelDee

01/28/2016 10:26AM

I loved reading the positive things you had to say about yourself and understand the struggle of the weight/lifestyle change rollercoaster. I agree you should treat yourself as you would treat a student under your care. Easier said than done, I really do know, but it's a place to start mentally. Sometimes all you need is a little foothold like that to spring off of. I'm looking forward to updates from you :)

Aaron likes this comment.

Rochelle C.

Thanks!! I think not using the "do as I say and not as I do" excuse will help me a LOT. Plus who doesn't like having someone to work out with? I've got a whole team! And I know they like it when I work out with them too, so they can see that I'm not just trying to kill them, haha!

Deanna

01/28/2016 7:48AM

I loved your blog. I am going to be in a similar situation soon, as I am entering the counseling field, and it seems that most of the available entry level jobs are in the addiction field. How perfect is that? Although people suffering from drug addiction might not see it this way, I often feel like I am addicted to food. I sat through a Narcanon session for my schooling, and could relate to so much of what they said! If I expect to help people with addiction, I need to help myself with my own. I think it requires two things: (1) being kind and loving towards myself, including being kind enough to stop hurting myself with food, and (2) being firm, honest, and "adult" with myself, like how you don't let your kids eat ice cream for breakfast. Thanks for the blog!

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Rochelle C.

I totally get where you are coming from! It feels silly and weird to say that I feel addicted to food - but I definitely think there is something to it, because mowing down on some deliciously unhealthy food can definitely make me feel better temporarily - just like addicts of other substances use theirs for the same reason. Thankfully for us - I think kicking this habit will be easier than the struggles that substance addicts go through a lot of the times! Love that there are people like you that have the time and patience to help those who are going through that addiction and recovery phase. They SO need someone... Go you!

Deanna

Thanks! Being a coach and a nurse are also really important, influential jobs.

Tori

01/28/2016 1:30AM

I want to hear more about your journey so I'm glad that you will be blogging along the way! I think that it will not only benefit you, but also your athletes to have you work along side them. It will make them happy to see you working hard too! Like you, one of my biggest challenges is the foods that I love. While I am currently at college, all of the food that I could ever want is conveniently at the cafeteria, with no limits to how much I can take. My biggest struggle this coming month is going to be watching what I eat, and making sure that I take advantage of the athletic center! I think together we can find the athletic bodies we have always had :)

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