One of the things I love about having an online community when it's time to whip my butt back into shape is having the sinews to string together all the ups and downs into one victorious story. I am reveling in my successful weigh in this week, and it's giving me even more encouragement to get up and get to the gym tomorrow morning at 6am. Rather than the feeling of "oh, I've only got a smidge left to go, I can slack off," the success just feeds on itself and so does the motivation. I am definitely fueled by overachieving, and this leads me to my next realization...
There will inherently be plateaus and stagnation in this (and every) journey. They are a completely normal part of growth, loss, or both in this case. So even though the last two weeks' success has me feeling great and supermotivated to go for an even bigger goal over the course of the six months (why not lose 12%? 15%?), I know that I tend to swing from hugely optimistic, enthusiastic, and aggressive to frustrated, fearful, yet still determined. This 6-month path and community is what helps me balance these extremes, and the context helps me remember that I should enjoy this high of success right now, use the fuel it's giving me, but also be patient and tender and not fall into delusions of grandeur or obsession.
As I look forward over the next 5 1/2 months, I see traveling in my future, a retreat, celebrations, and soul-feeding summertime. I like the idea of having reasonable goals for each chunk of time instead of super-aggressive goals every single week. I like the idea of finding a way to continue finding balance with my health even after I'm not on the wagon with alcohol and sugar anymore. And for the first time in a long time, I don't have plans for my summer (traveling, artist residency, etc.) at least 4 months in advance, and it feels like this kind of scary, kind of great, kind of strange, wide open playing field.
I'm doing a lot of figuring out what I want right now, and then gently letting go of old stories about how I can't have those things. The affirmations, meditations, and conversations I'm having are leading to realities that I'd always hoped for, somehow always were part of me, and yet never seemed to be able to experientially feel as possible. That is shifting. So maybe someday I will do a chin up. Maybe I will do the splits all three ways. Maybe I will own an incredible house, have the love of my life, a dog, a pickup truck, an incredible, successful career as a healer and an artist. These things are seeming more and more possible to me every day, and I don't want to leave out of that vision the utmost health - strength, flexibility, capacity, and inner felt beauty. If what's possible is expanding in every other realm of my life, that means that I can become the healthiest I have ever been, not as a stagnant place to arrive at, but as a new natural byproduct of how I live from and through my body. Now that's worth taking the long view.