On Monday night, I was stood up by a guy for our first date. I called - nothing. No call back later that night or ever. As my friend Aaron said, "He's either dead or a douche. Either way, not sexy." (i know, a bit crass, but it's helpful to have a friend with a sense of humor pointing out how I'm better off without a guy like that.) And although I woke up the next morning without any residue from the jilting, on Monday night I felt angry and hurt. Normally, I might take myself out on a date instead, and this would most definitely include a less-healthy meal and a glass or two of wine. We all know what it's like to turn to food for comfort and for reward. In the past, it has been both my enemy and my dear friend. Many people also experience this with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, even work - addiction runs on a long gray scale, and it's useful to notice even mild attachment, not in a judgemental way, but with compassion and curiosity.
So on Monday night, as I made my way home, I reallly felt into the experience in my heart, my body, my energy, what these feelings were of anger and hurt, the interesting oscillation between them, and surrounding all of it, the gratitude for a practice of compassionate witnessing through mindfulness cultivation & meditation practice. It was incredible to see that I could be with these feelings without moving to find physical comfort to alleviate the hurt, without composing long diatribes via email feeding my anger, without jumping to a revised plan for the night to occupy my time and distract me. Now, this period of compassionate witnessing lasted 30 minutes. That's it. Half an hour. But have you ever been with upset and had your mind be warm and generous around it? 30 minutes was a LIFETIME of benefit. It was truly an incredible blessing.
Afterwards, I bought myself a decaf coffee with soy (a detox version of comforting indulgence) and spent the rest of the night numbing out to Netflix. Nothing wrong with that. And that was the beauty of the practice as well - no after-judgement about having a normal human response to the original response of hurt and anger.
My physical exercise is equallly to be credited for this spaciousness. As the endorphins flow, as I connect more and more with my physical body in joy and gratitude, as I feel better and better inside this mortal coil, and as my self-confidence grows and grows, I spend less mental and emotional energy trying to "right the wrongs" others have done. I can respect and have compassion for others while not placing stock in the opinions and actions of people who don't deliver benefit to my life.
Lastly, today I just want to express gratitude for my housemates, one of whom came to the meditation center here in Cambridge with me for the first time and then stayed up talking with me for an hour after we returned home. We both love psychology (and it's part of my profession), and it's such a gift to have a big investigator with me at home. My other housemate is doing three 6am workouts with me this week, which has paid ten-fold dividens throughout the days following. I also want to express gratitude for my friend Mary who, despite a truly cra-cra time at work, is still commited to eating more-healthy meals and who takes the time to talk with me as we encourage each other.
That's it for today. May all of you have an easeful, empowered, and warm-hearted day!