It has been sooooooo long since I wrote a blog... ok I know 2 weeks isn't really that long, but it seems like that for me :-) I guess what I mean is that A LOT can happen in 2 weeks. Like football practice 3 times a week and games 2 other nights, interviewing for a new position at my work, more family birthday parties (avoiding cake) and why not just throw in there a crazy curve ball of having a consultation with a fertility specialist 2 hours from home, getting caught in torrential downpours on an 8 lane interstate, only to find out in order to pay for fertility treatments to have a baby, I might as well sell an arm and a leg on the black market. Or put our house up for sale!
I'm going to get off of my weight loss journey discussion and vent for a moment because bottling it up will only lead to emotional eating and binging which is not good for this dietbet!!!
Apparently Indiana is one of the lovely 15 states where it is not mandated that health insurance companies/policies cover fertility treatments/procedures/medications. I understand that having a child is (for the most part) a choice, and not a necessity. Obviously, health insurance is something we pay for medical necessities and they see infertility like they do a cosmetic procedure or something that is a want, rather than a need. I also want to clarify that I use the word "choice" loosely and cautiously because not everyone gets to make that decision to have a child. And sometimes pregnancy is a surprise, and other times it can throw you for a loop. But I'm talking about couples &/or individuals who make that decision to bring a child into their life, and need a little help to get the process started. They have made a choice to care for and provide for a child. I understand that adoption is always another route, and those children definitely deserve a good loving home and parents. But even that can be costly. I just feel frustrated when my wife and I are two healthy, fertile women who just need a little assistance because obviously, we are lacking in some equipment used by hetero couples to conceive.
I already have an 11 year old beautiful young man, that I carried for 9 months and gave birth to. He's perfect to say the least & Healthy. And I am so incredibly thankful that I was able to bring a child into this world who shares my DNA. Sometimes I feel so selfish getting frustrated in this situation and like I don't have the right to complain or be mad because I have more than some are able to have. I do not have infertility problems and I can't begin to understand or relate to the emotions it can bring. I know there are so many deserving women who are going through this sadness in our world. But, my wife and I are ready to bring a child into our family with her DNA. The only problem we face is that she could have a risky pregnancy if she were to carry. And since I already went through the process with no complications, reciprocal IVF would be our safest option. But, it's so incredibly expensive with no insurance coverage. We could just use a donor and fertilize my eggs and pray to be done with it; low cost, low stress, less time. But, it's been her dream to be a mom, and carry on her genetics. She wants to see what a child with her genetics would look and act like. Would the baby look like her mom, or her dad? Or maybe her grandparents who knows. Again, I know that not everyone is lucky in life to have these things, so we should be grateful for what we are able to have and not be selective or picky with our few options. But, it's like we're waiting to board a beautiful cruise for the vacation of a lifetime. But there is no dock, so we could jump and drown or jump and pray to swim like hell and make it.
I get so incredibly jealous when I find out a friend is pregnant, or hear a co-worker talking about someone being pregnant. There is even a pregnant mother from my son's football team. And I HATE the question, "So, have you two thought more about having a child?" or "Do you two want to have any more children?" and then it's, "So, when you're ready, which one of you is going to get pregnant?" Well, we would love to get pregnant RIGHT NOW!!! But, we can't. It makes me also feel like I was so selfish and ungrateful when I was pregnant with my son because I took that for granted. I didn't appreciate it and take it for the blessing it was. Of course, I was 19. I was way more immature and didn't realize just how lucky I was to become a mother. All I could think about was getting rid of stretch marks, how soon I could get my hands on a vanilla hand scooped milkshake, and when I would be able to see my feet again. Not the gift of the life I was bringing into the world.
So... Here we are. Slowing down at the end of a crazy two week stretch. We finally have a free evening to enjoy and not rush to a game or practice after work. If I don't fall off the deep end and can maintain myself for 3 more days, I'll conquer another dietbet round. Hopefully this evening with some quiet time will give us an opportunity to find and disucss other options. Figure out if there is any type of assistance or options other than loans up to our eyeballs that will help us. If you've struggled with me reading through my jumbled mess of a rant, I thank you. Also, If you're a woman dealing with infertility, or a couple going through a similar situation, I pray for you and wish nothing but the strength to get through it and the ability to have a child.