Overall, things have been going pretty well. I've had some awesome NSVs, which (maybe) makes up for the slight gain while visiting family.
I have to say that I much prefer visiting my sister when she is on maternity leave since a) I get to see her more and b) she makes me workout. On the other hand, it was pretty awesome to have unsupervised time with the kidlets.
Anyway, here are some NSVs:
- Fitting into smaller clothes. (even borrowing one of my skinny sister's sweaters!)
- Keeping up with my 4 year old niece while trick or treating. No huffing or puffing.
But it's not all sunshine and rainbows. I have some days where I catch a reflection of 75 lbs lighter self and I do a double take. But I also have days when I feel heavy...and to me, I look heavy. For the most part, I can't really wrap my head around this loss. When I'm out shopping, I catch myself looking at clothes that would be much too big. And in my head, I always feel like the largest person in the room. When offered to borrow clothes from others, I automatically assume that they will be way too small.
I'm in a couple of Transformers and didn't really consider the goal weight. I see now the goal is in the 170s. And honestly, this scares me. I worry that I won't get there (because I've been slacking hardcore). I worry that I CAN'T get there. As I shrink, it does get harder. And since I have a lot of weight to lose, I have this lovely excess skin that doesn't just disappear. And that skin does add to the scale.
If I keep up my current cycle, I know I will not make the necessary changes to get there. And then instead of rejoicing in my success, I will focus on the failure.
So the cycle needs to break. Today has started off well. I'm going to step away from the computer and plan my week. I'm going to start following the plan my dietitian gave me and stop tweaking things. I'm going to dust off my workout gear and commit to moving more.
I am not going to let my goal #s scare me into self-sabotage. (said with a little less confidence than I'd like).
I'm going to use the tools that I have at my disposal to refocus. This includes workout videos, the gym, the Pact app, StepBet, MyFitnessPal, and my support system.
I am going to take a deep breath. And I am going to take a giant leap (or stumble around) towards success.