I am learning to love myself, and it is sometimes a hard battle. The mirror is not my enemy, even if at times it feels like she is breaking my heart. In fact the mirror has started taking on new meaning,and she is transforming along side me. The mirror was once a nasty team mate to the selfie, constantly trying to drag what little confidence I had down. Selfie only encouraged from certain angles and sometimes finding that angle was like looking for a needle in a hay stack. Fighting the negative thoughts and ideas so kindly put there from my own mind, is hard work. Like a wall of hurt, built up from my own self worth and what others seen in me. A wall that blocked the view of the mirror, or that took the time to find the perfect angle. Some days the wall has little give and does not crumble, instead builds itself up a little holding me prisioner to my own hate. I so badly do not want self hate to win, yet self hate and self worth work together pinning me down while they repair the wall. The wall, I"ve been fighting so hard to tear down. I know people see me and say if only she tried harder or its pure laziness that holds her back. What they don't see is how hard the battle with in is. I am fighting everyday to hold the negativity at bay, so that self hate does not come out on top anymore. Some days I wonder why is it so much easier to live in self hate, and when will self love be the stronger of the two. I guess all that matters is that I am fighting the battle, and knowing the reward is self love, is the motavation i need to push on.