Lots of people assume I have the advantage because I am unemployed: they say, "man your so lucky you can just work out whenever you want or all day." My obvious answer is yeah, to comply with their assumption, though often I want to say opposite. Because truth be told, it is the opposite. I have been unemployed for a full year. (babysat part time, but for anyone who is remotely career-driven like I am-or has slight type A personality, like me) this doesn't feel like work. 

This last year I did so much self-exploration...and it was depressing.

I am 30. My unused EMT certification expires in two weeks. I worked part time as a PT aide that went nowhere. I am taking classes part time to become DPT, but went to a virtual fair last week that essentially told me this goal is impossible. I can't afford a doctor so I really can't justify paying for a gym membership either when I can do it all at home for free. 

Positives from the year: I talk to real people all the time (not virtual), I realize that I like this. That I like to help my neighbors move in, that I enjoy helping our neighbor with hoarding issues. Once money comes into the equation I don't like my work anymore. (it's an intrinsic reward for me to do these things) and I think I realized it doesn't matter what I eventually do for work because that will never be fun or motivate me. It's the charity that makes me happy. 

Problem is: I don't have all day. I'm currently having difficulty waking up before 10 (though these 4 weeks I am going to wake at 8am and try to work toward that).  I need to keep a semblance of normalcy (so I want to wake at 7:30 like the rest of the world, rather than get ten hours of sleep a night--which i deem is unhealthy).

My mind is often all over the place resembling bipolar disorder because I have no personal projects that tie me with the rest of the world. my community. or otherwise.

Each day that passes feels like another year of my life wasted.

However, this is the happy and realistic me. Seriously. Today is great. I am alive and very healthy (I think). Most of why I did this challenge aside from wanting to have serious abs again and needing a kickstart...was to have somehting to do. with others.

 

I have already rambled more than I'd have liked. at 10 am I did Zuzka's 12 minute AMRAP #55

I got through 1 rep with round 1 and up to 10 squats in round 2.  (I accidentally did the plank pulls with burpee push ups which made my time slower through this).

Hard, but I want more. I intend to do an insanity DVD later tonight around 4 or 5 (when others would naturally finish work) and I'll spend the rest of my day again networking and finding some type of paying opportunity for myself. sheesh.

unemployment is hard work. Harder than working out I keep telling myself.