DietBet, we meet again

Posted on October 22, 2014

My DietBet Conundrum. I've done a handful of these things, and sometimes I win and sometimes I don't. It's one of the most effective, kick-in-the-pants motivators for me, though -- competition, group support, and money. And 28 days is just short enough to be able to maintain at least some degree of focus. The PROBLEM with me, though, and this is for real, is that I can't do it for more than that. I have enough trouble drawing it out for all 4 weeks of it. And this is why I always gain a bunch back right after the DB ends and why I stay in a disturbing range of give or take 20 pounds. When I tried the 6-month, 10% DietBet, I failed embarrassingly. It's that I lost interest, that I stopped trying, that whatever keeps me going for the 28 days faded away and it became something that I shrugged my shoulders and said "oh well" about. I gave up. As usual, I wanted to do whatever I wanted, and watching what I ate was not that.

I feel bad. It's Day 2 of this DietBet and I'm 77% there already. On Monday, I meant to weigh in first thing in the morning to submit my starting photos, but I ran late for work and couldn't do it. It was chili cook-off day at work, which I stupidly coordinated. But I brought heart smart healthy chili, which I tried very hard to make high veggie, low fat and relatively low sodium. I had my chili (and several other people's) for lunch, and Drake and I had it again for dinner. It was a heavy meal, but it wasn't that bad, I thought. I also drank water all day for the first time in many weeks. I got 10 cups in, which was huge for me. I tracked all my food, which was a punch to the gut because of how far over my calorie target I went, but it was necessary to get me to start snapping out of it. So on Monday, I started trying. (TMI alert -- I think I pooped 3 times on Monday. My husband reported something similar. I honestly think our bodies just wanted detox. We had been bad.)

But I weighed in for the first time at around 10 p.m. on Monday, right before bed. I considered drinking a glass of water first, to give me some extra start weight cushion, but I decided against it. Still. Oh my goodness. I was shocked at my start weight, and terribly ashamed, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it or make myself sick with regret or wave some flag around broadcasting how badly I screwed up. I submitted the pictures and tried to suck it up and move on. But it was bad. Very bad. Like kind of astoundingly bad. (Even after all of the pooping.)

Shameful, painful confession. My target finishing weight for this DietBet is higher than the last DietBet, AND the DietBet before that, which I won. FML.

Tuesday morning, the scale read 5.8 pounds lighter (although probably a pound of that is the underwire bra I wasn't wearing). I thought "What the hell?" but crazier things have happened. I tracked my food on Tuesday and tried to get my water in again. I had about 9 cups of it. I went over my calorie target by 300 or 400 calories. I didn't work out. No excuses, either. I had plenty of time to work out. They sent us home early at work due to a power outage. I spent a little bit of my precious gift of extra time doing smart things -- I chopped the baby lettuces in my fridge, I went to the farm market to stock up on apples, cauliflower, sugary sweet bell peppers, little potatoes and the last tomatoes and sweet corn of the season. I made and ate an epic salad with homemade vinaigrette. But then I settled down on the couch and watched QVC (they're selling Christmas!) until I was tired of it, and then I browsed Facebook and made a bunch of memes until I was tired of that. The amount of time that I submit directly into the abyss of TV and Facebook is terrifying. Making memes was fun, but I still feel like it's a completely useless and depressing outlet for whatever meager creativity that is lurking in me. Then when my husband got home, I felt guilty for not doing anything, so I made dinner (a beef roast, from which I trimmed the fat, plus carrots, tomatoes, potatoes, and bell peppers, onions and celery -- our pretty regular stew, in the pressure cooker, with a little wine and beef boullion, and it was very good). And then I watched a whole bunch more TV. Did I really need to watch the 90 recorded minutes of The Voice that I missed on Monday? Good God. Those people were barely watchable, Gavin Rossdale looks scary, and they don't give enough face time to Stevie Nicks. What I had wanted to do was practice my ukulele. I haven't played it in a long time, and I think about it a lot. I really enjoy it, and I find it relaxing, and I feel like somehow it's a healthy hobby. I also wanted to work on my laundry. I have a lot of clothes, I'm just saying. I read on Fly Lady that doing laundry every day is one of the greatest habits to have. I tried that once, for a few days, and I felt really good about it. Her rule is that you can't start a new load until the load before it is totally done, like folded and put away and everything, and oh my gosh, what a concept. So I'd like to try that again. At least a little laundry, every day. But I can't today...I have the Fleetwood Mac concert to go to. And I can't on Friday, because my friend from Portland is coming over and we're going on a microbrewery crawl (I'm not drinking, I'm going to be the DD). Okay, but you know what? Today I actually can. I get home from work at 4:30, and we're not leaving for that concert until closer to 5:45 or 6:00. I have a bunch of clean clothes waiting for me to fold. So that's what I'll have to work on, RIGHT when I walk in the door. And Friday, my friend is coming over at 6:00. We'll be eating dinner at a brewery. My plan is to order a salad (they use the freshest field greens there) with chicken breast with vinaigrette on the side. I can stick to that, for sure. So I can do more clothes before he gets there. I just have to do it.

This morning my scale was a couple pounds lighter still. So that makes me 77% to my target, after two days. It's not fair, it's messed up, I feel guilty. It makes me hate my body. (Not how it looks, but how it behaves!) But the stupid part is that I didn't cheat. I didn't deliberately eat salty food or drink a bunch of water before stepping on. I just lived my normal life, which included eating a bunch of garbage. So I got a ton of those free, easy, salty pounds off in a super hurry, and now I have 26 days to ride easy and lose 2.4 more stupid pounds. At this rate, I'll be done by tomorrow. And I don't want that.

Can I set my own personal target? Could I lose 7.6 more pounds over the next 26 days instead of 2.4? I think I could. So I would like to make my target end weight 250. It's almost exactly 2 pounds a week. It feels aggressive. Challenging. I would very much like to achieve that.

This morning for breakfast I made a high fiber wrap sandwich with baby kale, tomato, low sodium turkey breast and a 2% thin slice of Swiss. I'll eat anything for breakfast. It doesn't have to be breakfasty. But it was good. It felt hearty. It was so much more satisfying than a bowl of Special K would have been. That's just never enough for me. My snack this morning has been a cup of red grapes and a 4 oz. probiotic yogurt. I have in front of me a pint glass holding my 4th and 5th cup of water, and it's 10:35 a.m., so that's not bad. It'll be unfortunately processed food for lunch, a Healthy Choice Steamer meal, but at least it's got fresh ingredients instead of some of the weird Lean Cuisine or Banquet type meals. I really like these, actually. They're all 250-300 calories, with a bit of either rice, pasta or potatoes, kind of a lot of vegetables, sometimes a little bit of meat, and some sauce, and it steams up in a bowl, and the portion although kind of little is kind of enough. Even my husband just has one of them for lunch and with a piece of fruit or something as an afternoon snack, he makes it to dinner. I'm fussy about frozen food, and for frozen, they are pretty fresh and tasty. And we can get multi packs at Costco. Here ends my Healthy Choice ad.

For dinner today, I'll have to throw some chicken breasts in a pan when I get home, and then I'll steam some broccoli. While doing this, I'll have to fold clothes. My parents are coming to Fleetwood Mac with us, and they'll be over between 5:30 and 6:00, so it only gives me a little bit of time. Can I do it? Do I have enough motivation? It's up to me, I guess. Yeah, I'll do it. I have to. My living room is a mess, but I'm going to have to let it go. My parents won't judge.

4:00 - leave work
4:30 - get home
drag clean clothes up from the basement
get folding
stick chicken in the pan
stick broccoli on the steamer
make some whole wheat noodles -- dinner!
put clothes away
get changed for the concert
6:00 - leave for concert
drink diet pop or water only!

It's going to be fun. I'm gonna do good. Sorry this didn't go anywhere. I guess I'm processing getting back into it. I wish I hadn't taken such an evil break from caring. I have got to consistently care. But as long as I log onto the DietBet site every day, and I log onto MyFitnessPal every day, and I participate in the Fit Girls thread, I think I can do it. I can't let myself forget/ignore what I'm working on here. So bear with me, because I am really trying to be overly present. And if I vanish, please come find me!

Could we do a 6 month one of these? I'm scared to even consider it.

Comment Now!

Jessica P.

10/22/2014 6:14PM

Kerry, thanks for sharing this! I feel like I got to know you well in a few words. Man, I have felt SO MANY of these things. I wish I weren't familiar with that horrible moment when the scale is many pounds heavier than where you swore you would never ever be again on the way down the last time. I'm there now, too, still 10 pounds over where I "would never be again," and this is after losing 15. I mean, damn, that really sucks. But you know, my life is not the same as it was that last time, and I bet yours isn't either. I'll trade some weight gain for the greatness that's happened in my life since. Also, you're gorgeous. As a stranger on the internet, I'm telling you that you're gorgeous. I know that it's not really the point and all that.... but in the moments when you're feeling like crap, maybe think about the people who think you're awesome, and funny, and sweet, and gorgeous! :) Hang in there. Tomorrow could look totally different.

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Jessica P.

Oh, and I had another thought, actually. One of my biggest reasons for failing at life changes is feeling that I need to monumentally change everything all at once, and then I beat myself up when I don't. And then, before I know it, I'm back to stuffing myself with junk and sitting on the couch. I have always had this all or nothing outlook on everything. I've been doing a lot better this time around by trying moderation instead of blanket changes. So I track my calories, but I still let myself have some chocolate sometimes, when I have calories left (or sometimes even when I don't!). Realistically I can't be "on a diet" for my whole life, so I like to think about changing my behaviors to slightly more manageable ones. In short... I'd probably get a burger when I went out with my friend for dinner. Anyway, it's what works for me. Feel free to ignore everything I just said. :)

Gailsy

10/22/2014 10:38AM

I have done two of the 6 month bets...never won any of the prizes, but did lose the 10%. I agree that it is very difficult to stay motivated and focused for the Transformer Bets. I much prefer the fast energy of the 28 Day bets. I am within 15- 20 lbs of my goal so doing a 6 month bet would really drag it out too much, I enjoyed reading your blog entry and your honesty. It is really refreshing. I started at 219.8 lbs...it took over a year to get down to the low 140's...but keep jumping up into the 150's after every Diet Bet ends so I feel you and understand you. It is certainly frustrating. The important thing though is to just keep going and keep your spirits high. That's why I write weight loss motivations every day. I post them in my Diet Bets, but they are really for me to keep me focused. Enjoy the concert...I saw Fleetwood Mac ages ago when I was a teenager. Good luck to you!

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Becca P.

10/22/2014 10:32AM

Hey gf.. you know im always here to help you out as well.. dont fret on the past or the start of your journey! It is what you make it out to be.. once you get a handel on things just keep going.. dont give up on yourself after working so hard.. ok so you have 2.4 more to go.. go beyond that. Hell join another dietbet on top of this one so you dont have any excuse to stop at the 2.4lbs.. i do it all the time! Get a grip on this before the holidays!! And like i said dont quit... its so rewarding to reach goals.. write down your goals.. like i want to fit into these pants i havent been able to in years or fit on a ride next summer etc.. and dont fret over the number.. take those measurments they are so much fun to compair at the end of each month! :) you can do this!!

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Kerry

Thank you sweet pea. You are very inspiring. Check in on me every few days, ok? :)

Kerry

10/22/2014 8:40AM

I don't think I could do it without you, Cindy. But I DO think I could do it WITH you. It doesn't matter when, to me. There's never a good time. :) It's slower than the 4-weekers, so maybe it would be OK over the holidays?

Cindy

10/22/2014 8:32AM

When would you want to start it? Now? New Years?

Cindy

10/22/2014 8:31AM

I tried a six month and I even FORGOT to come back for the weigh in. It was THAT off my radar. I'm not opposed to doing a 6 month one in conjunction with the regular four weekers. Anything is worth another try. The 6 month one I did was a giant anonymous one with Blogilates...I don't even FOLLOW her, I just jumped into a big one.

Kerry

I think I was in that one too. I won a $75 gift card for Zappos.com from doing one of the regular weigh-ins. I must have figured that was prize enough, because I dropped off right after. This time around, I would put everything on my calendar. Like, weekly weigh-ins, the monthly ones and the final one. I'd plan it better. And I would need you to hound me. I am desperate for your assistance. I don't want you to succeed without me. Isn't that awful?