Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.

Posted on October 26, 2014

I don't know why, but this has always been hard for me to deal with. When you are overweight, people make comments. Maybe they think they are helping. Maybe they are just ridiculing a stranger for being different. Maybe they just don't understand what effect their comments will have or don't care.
When I was at my highest weight, I think I was in denial. I'm a teacher so as long as I dress professionally, my weight is not an issue. Still every now and then a student would comment on my weight. These are children who don't really know any better, but there words were like acid to my self pity. Here are some of the worst.

"Why is your stomach so big?"
"You're really fat."
"My mom isn't big like you."
"Are you having a baby?"

I've lost about 45 pounds. I still have more to go, but my body has more of a shape than it has ever had and I'm becoming more confident in how I dress and present myself to the world. Yesterday was our company Halloween Parade. The teachers dress in costume and take the children trick-or-treating with their parents. I decided to dress as Snow White. Probably the first time I have ever chosen a form fitting costume. The dress was foot length so my legs were covered, so my only worry was how my waist and arms would look. I was nervous that my stomach isnt perfectly smooth, but I decided it looked fine and I should have confidence in my success with weight loss.

Many of the student's parents commented on my weight loss.
"You look beautiful!"
"How much weight have you lost? It's very noticeable!"
I thanked them and was feeling very good about myself.

Until one child commented.
"Haha, what a fat Snow White. She isn't supposed to be fat. Why is she so fat?"

I immediately told her it was unkind to talk to someone like that and she should stop. She of course realized she had said something rude and stopped. Still that comment stayed with me for the rest of the parade. Suddenly, I no longer felt beautiful and confident. I felt insecure about the rolls or lumps that might be showing through the costume. I worried that people were asking themselves what on earth possessed that fat girl to wear a princess costume when clearly she was no princess.

Then I thought some more about it. Why is it that one insensitive comment is enough to derail 5 or 6 validating comments from people who understand the struggle of weight loss. I learned a very valuable lesson about self esteem today. Even though I continue to feel better about myself and my weight loss, I still have a lot of work to do. I need to learn how to be happy with my body no matter what size it is, or how it looks. I cannot wait for the day where I look in the mirror and don't immediately see flaws and imperfections. I want to embrace those things about myself and be myself. Here's to completing my journey! I have come to far to give up now! :)

Liz from Japan (Akane20)

Comment Now!

Liz B.

10/27/2014 9:18AM

i'm right there with you on the self sabotage!

the journey we've started in losing weight has it's ups and downs. no matter how many times people say something about "how good" I look and are amazed at the loss so far, in the back of my head i'm saying to myself " i still weigh XXX. how is that "skinny"?!?"

we just need to focus on the positive, right?

LizzyinJapan likes this comment.

Susie D.

10/27/2014 8:03AM

Oh, how my heart broke for you. And so very true that one unkind remark can make us forget all the kudos we have gotten. I think we all struggle with that. It's difficult to focus on the positive when our flaws are harshly pointed out.

Love Yourself and love what you are doing for Yourself. Be proud of your hard work. Keep on keepin on. You are a Rock Star and a Princess, Akane. (((hugs)))

LizzyinJapan likes this comment.

LizzyinJapan

10/27/2014 7:37AM

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I just keep reminded myself that this is a life journey we are all on!

KnitterBeth

10/27/2014 6:42AM

I'm so sorry you had that experience, Liz. I think we've all been there, so we all understand exactly your thought process. I can still hear a 3-grade school mate saying "you're fat!" when I passed him on the playground. And my 5-year-old son pointing to a very slender woman walking across the street from us saying, "Mommy, why can't you look like her?"

I'm so happy that you were able to take a step back and evaluation the situation. It's not easy, and I think that many of us will always struggle with self-esteem no matter how much weight we lose. I hope that someday I'll look in the mirror and not immediately flaws and imperfections! Even after losing almost 110 pounds I'm not there yet. I catch myself, though - when I think about how wrinkled all that extra skin looks, I ask myself if it's better to have sagging skin or skin stretched over fat. Not a hard answer. :)

Keep strong, Liz, and keep faith in yourself. You are an inspiration! <3

Deborah and LizzyinJapan like this comment.

LizzyinJapan

Thanks for the support. You are one of the people I always hope I see posts by for inspiration! :D We can do it!

Adrienne

10/27/2014 5:11AM

Thank you for this post, I completely understand. What is really interesting is this: "Why is it that one insensitive comment is enough to derail 5 or 6 validating comments from people who understand the struggle of weight loss." I like that you are examining your own thinking, but just know that your reaction is NORMAL...in fact, did you know that scientists have found in studies that it takes at least 13 positive comments to outweigh 1 negative one, and sometimes i think the ratio is even higher! the important things is, not only do u LOOK beautiful in your costume (as many people said), but you showed INNER beauty by correcting the child in a firm but loving way. people need to teach their children manners, sheesh....

Deborah and LizzyinJapan like this comment.

Jill

10/27/2014 4:53AM

Good job Liz!! you are doing great!

LizzyinJapan likes this comment.

Netanyami

10/26/2014 10:45PM

Oh Liz dear. I totally hear you. I get to hear comments that I look pregnant and just get immuned lols.

So with my 6-year-old son, I teach him that beauty is inside the heart, how people treat you and not by their looks. And words are powerful so we have to choose wisely what we're going to say.

I would test his reaction by saying 'My friend said my belly is big like a bear!'. He said in all innocence. 'Oh mom those are bad words, a bear is an animal, but inside you, you are my pretty princess, remember?' I kinda teary eye after hearing it.

It's nice that you see things in a different light. Words can be very mean (from folks of all ages) but how you filter this and turn it into a positive is what matters most.

Your friend from Vancouver,

Tanya

Liz B., LizzyinJapan and Adrienne like this comment.