Who, why, how and so on...

Posted on July 23, 2014

Woke up this morning and did my token weigh in at the DB10. It showed 95.6kg, which in that bet isn't bad since I had some extra loss in the beginning. For the "Eat, Drink and be Skinny" DietBet it is worse though. I started that bet on 95.7kg. I haven't lost this little since I started DietBet April 1st! I can't seem to get the weight loss starting either. The 3 hours of exercise yesterday didn't show on the scale at all today, even though I know my eating was pretty good. :-/

So, I was thinking on the why and the who that Teresa is writing about in the Eat, Drink and be Skinny challenge posts and I got to following answers;

Why?

Well, I do it mostly for my self. I do not have any other person in my life that actually cares that much if I way a little bit over, or anything like that. I had a childhood that was though in some ways. I got bullied a lot, and not for being fat (I wasn't at the time), not for being gay (I wasn't out at the time) or not even for my looks. I was bullied because they just chose me. They could bully me for my height, my eyes, my hair, my fears, doing to well at school, not doing well at school, being good at sports, not being good at sports and so on. Whatever they could find to pick on, they did. So I started to look at what things can I actually control in some way.

I started with school work. I knew that if I did well in school, I at least could several years laters say "Well, look who I have become!". I studied harder then all, and was at the top of my class in most subjects. The other thing I could change was my fear. They bullied me for being afraid of heights, so I started looking for high places to just confront my fear until they didn't notice I was afraid anymore. This is just one example.

So, why the weight loss now then? Well, after doing well for years by "hiding" in things to do, coneversations with my parents and so on, I moved out from my parents home. In the beginning that didn't cause too much trouble, because I was active at ju jitsu. But after I starting having trouble with my knees, I had to stay home more, and the emotional part of cutting other off (like I had done my whole life in order to not get bullied) started to get to me. I felt alone, like no one cared for me, like no one would even notice if I was gone. And I started eating my feelings. The weight loss is my way to gain back control over those feelings.

The bonus is that my knees are better, my back is better, I feel more awake and I feel just overall better. So I will never go back! I like being healthy. I like being in movement.

Who?

Well. Still doing it for my self, but as time has gone and weight has started to go off I also notice that I do it for others. Maybe not in the best way, because it is more like "I'll show them!", but I have noticed that people actually care for me more than I thought. Friends telling me they are so glad for me, family telling me that they think I look good and happier, and also me being more open to new friends.

In other words, I think I have a pretty clear grasp of the why and the who, the problem is the how. I have no gone back to the weight I was in the end of my ju jitsu career. Losing more now will get me back to the teenage years when it comes to weight. That would be great!

Comment Now!

Linda O.

07/25/2014 4:53AM

The commitment is there now, I just have a lack of motivation these days. If I find that back, I will keep on pushing through and lose the last 10 kg I want to lose. It took years to get here though. At the point where I feel committed. You'll get there! :)

Linda R.

07/24/2014 12:55PM

I can see so many similarities to my own story!! ( and a few differences :) )I just haven't gotten as far as you when it comes to comittement. Oh, I try, but not there yet. You have become a role model I can relate to!

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Linda O.

07/24/2014 12:14AM

Thanks for all the kind words, Elizabeth. I highly appreciate it!

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Elizabeth D.

07/23/2014 11:44AM

A good, but surprising story, Linda. You've clearly come a long way, as the Linda I've gotten to know through The Transformer is one that is strong, incredibly cared for, caring, an inspiration and a motivator! Thanks for sharing your story and for all the support you continue to show! Great job on your successes in the many areas of your life - I'm happy I get to witness your weight loss success, too! :)

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Linda O.

07/23/2014 10:05AM

Thanks, Cherie! Good luck to you too! :)

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Cherie

07/23/2014 8:41AM

Thanks for sharing your story, Linda. You've worked through many obstacles and you've learned a lot. There's no doubt that you won't be as successful here. I, too, have had a struggle on this last 4 wk DB but will make it as close as possible to goal. Best of luck to you!!

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Linda O.

07/23/2014 7:52AM

Thanks all! You are amazing!

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Lynda H.

07/23/2014 7:35AM

Thanks so much for sharing your story! Linda, it's amazing how the events of our childhood follow us, and I'm so impressed by the choices you're making. You've got the who and the how and the WHERE, here! We'll help you with the how!

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adrienne121

07/23/2014 7:23AM

Linda, thanks for sharing your story!!! It's amazing how what people do can indirectly inspire us to accomplish feats we didn't think was possible. Great story!!! Keep up the good work!!! :-)

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Kim

07/23/2014 7:20AM

Good post. I wrote a similar one reflecting on being emotionally 'bullied' by my father growing up and subsequent actions and reactions. I have since deleted it even after getting numerous positive feedback, but my mind has switched in the past 2 days and I woke up feeling better than ever this morning. I hope you have that feeling. I hope you realize you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to do. You are worth it and anyone who bullies another in ANY way is the weak one, NOT the one getting bullied, and not us! You are strong, you just need to find it in your head & heart. I know you can get there Linda =)

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