I think it started around the time my father passed away. It was a very confusing time as I was graduating from Uni and felt like I was not ready to 'start life' yet. University was such an amazing experience and I felt like I just got a ‘taste’ of the amount of knowledge out there and before I knew it I was already on my way out.
A few months after finishing my classes my dad got sick. In a matter of 4 day I lost one of the 2 most important people of my life. It was so fast I think my brain never really processed what happened. Even now some days it feels like he might be there when I come back home.
I've always been an emotional eater. I never binged but whenever something went wrong I will have some comfort food to help me through. It never really got out of control until my dad died. I kept thinking - my dad just died, I deserve this candy bar. I deserve this pizza or bowl of pasta and so on and so on.
A year after I've already had a few extra kilos on me. But, it wasn't until I was in a relationship that my weight soared even more. By that time I felt like - okay, I have a boyfriend who likes my body (overall, although he did mention I was gaining weight from time to time) and I really don't feel like starting a diet when going out to eat is my favorite thing.
And so, overall I gained around 11-12 kilos. It was gradual, through about 2 and half years, so at first I really didn't pay much attention to it. It wasn't until I weighed myself during a health class I was taking part of when I realized how far it went.
However, even though I knew I was much bigger than before, it still took a long time to get thoughts into action. I've tried several diets and several exercising techniques but kept stopping every time it became inconvenient or too hard. I told myself it's okay to have a day off. And that one day turned into several.
Until one day my mind aligned with my body. There wasn't anything drastic I can pin-point, but I think I just had enough. I got tired of quitting and not reaching my goals. I told myself - just stick to it. You don't have to be perfect or the best. Just stick to it. Move every day. Cut down the junk. Get stronger.
And suddenly I was.
There was no magic, and there were plenty of little 'fails' down the road. But I kept going.
Sometimes the scale showed improvement, others it stayed exactly the same for weeks and weeks. But I was pushing through. My workouts were getting tougher and my body ached. But I kept going. Through six months’ time I lost maybe 3 kilos (tops). But the before and after pictures of my body showed a massive improvement! I now have muscles! I can do weighted pushups. I can jump-squat. Things I couldn't even dream about when I first started. My body was so out of shape!
So yeah, I'm still not at my goal weight, which is why I'm here. But I'm so proud of what my body accomplished so far. I am so much stronger, mentally and physically. And I know that it's a matter of choice now.
I can choose to sit back and feel sorry for myself, give up on myself. Or I can push through the pain, and the laziness, and start reaching my goals. It's not about how fast I can do it. It's about getting up and pushing myself forward. One step at a time :)