Excuses,Excuses,Excuses and self doubt.

Posted on December 11, 2014

Day 11 on this journey and I'm 5lbs from my 4%. I thought losing 12lbs in 4 weeks was going to be impossible and look I'm already down 7lbs. That should motivate me to contuinue on and work harder for those last 5. But here let me tell you the truth.

I haven't been to kickboxing since we've started, why? I have no time. Yet here I am doubting that excuse do I really not have time or am I lacking the ability to schedule things right and not going to get my ass kicked? I've worked out at total of 2 times in the past 11 days. TWO TIMES that isn't right that should be like 8 times instead or something but it's not. Time after time I find an excuse to blow off the gym. When in reality my body is yelling for me to go workout. I can be at total bitch at times and i don't have control over it, I think its that i'm in a rut but then again it's my fault I'm in it.

The other day i was sititng in my car thinking I need to lose 110lbs minimum to be considered healthy. I cried a little not because it was too much weight but because it got me thinking. I see posts on Instagram of women who lose that about of weight or that lose 50lbs within a few months...and you know how but working there butts of. Hitting the gym and eating clean. I can do it right but I dont. Then I started to beat myself up by thinking: "Do I not love myself enough? Do I not care about my health? Do I like being so fat?" It's like why don't I motivate myself and lose the weight already like I love my body even though it's so huge and mostly fat. Yes I'm self conscious as heck but I love myself and thank it for taking me where it does everyday. I don't want to have a heart attack or get sick from diabetes because then who will care fore me? My parents and I don't want to put that weight on their shoulders. I hate being fat, I hate it. I don't like that I can't fit into regular jeans and that all the cute clothes isn't in my size and ify I do find something cute its at Torrid where a blouse is like $50 and I don't have that kind of money.

Yet all that and look I'm still 280+, I did workout this morning and was going to go to kickboxing tonight but I've got family in town for 1 more night so I'm spending it with them. But that's no excuse, I started my day off right with my workout so when I get home (doesn't matter what time) I'm going to workout again. I'm going to lose those 5lbs by the new year and then I'm going to go and lose the 110 pound that I need to!

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JILL

12/15/2014 4:34PM

Start over girl every time you are down. Everyone struggles. Go forward today. I know how you feel. I have failed a million times. I agree with you that loosing weight is hard work. I think it is the key. That and deciding 'Just do it'. You have a lot of friends here. So glad you blogged.

Jessica W.

12/12/2014 3:08AM

I agree with everyone else - just take it one day at a time. It's too much and would overwhelm anyone to look at the big picture at one time. I've found it helpful for when I get stressed or feel like there''s too much to stop, close my eyes, take some deep breathes, and re-focus on today. That's all this is anyway...a bunch of good, and not-so-good, days strung together! You'll be great!

Annie

12/11/2014 1:04PM

Amy, I think these feelings would resonate with most of the people on this DB. You are not alone. It might be helpful to keep a copy of this blog nearby. Whenever you're feeling like you need motivation to get moving or eat right, read it. Don't run from the feeling of despair -- acknowledge it (you're allowed to feel that way!), then try to dissect it (what exactly is causing it) & then destroy it; come up with small goals to help beat that feeling. Maybe it's just getting up 5-10 mins earlier than usual and stretching, or doing some breathing exercises. Surely you could make room for just 5 minutes, considering how important your health is to you and those who love you. Or maybe it's turning off the TV while you eat so you pay attention to how full you feel. The latter wont take you any extra time. Finally, be sure to celebrate your accomplishments! you are seven lbs lighter today! That is something to be proud of. Feel free to msg me at any time. we're all here for you!

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Jeff

12/11/2014 12:23PM

Amy, I know exactly how you are feeling. Keep in mind that slow and steady will win the race. So maybe you haven't worked out 8 times...but you worked out twice! Next week, workout 4x and get yourself moving slowly and realistically because this will be a life long battle. I tell you this from experience. What you are feeling wont go way. There are still days Francy and I feel like that but you get better at fighting those feelings. You are in San Diego right? Where you one of the people who sent Francy an email about training? Maybe something to think about. Shes great at helping people find their "why" and that's what will keep you going through the hard days! U have done great..remember to applaud yourself for the things you do right. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves! You got this!

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